


Soul Full of Gunk

by zombiecheetah



Series: Where Loyalties Lie [8]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dream Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Encouraging suicide, F/M, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Logyn - Freeform, Mild Gore, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prison, Psychological Torture, Recreational Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-05-05 12:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14618076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiecheetah/pseuds/zombiecheetah
Summary: After the events of "We'll Burn That Bridge When We Get To It," Loki and Sigyn deal with some consequences and the Avengers have a holiday karaoke night.





	1. Prison Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so so much to everyone who has read this series so far! This first chapter is short and more of a tease but I'm excited to be continuing on this fun little Logyn thought experiment. I am on tumblr under zombiecheetah so please come and say hi! 
> 
> Watch the tags on this one, folks, this isn't the Loki fun time torture stuff and we're going to be getting into that year of being lost to the void soooooo just prepare yourselves. 
> 
> If you haven't read "Snakes in the Garden" and "We'll Burn That Bridge When We Get To It," I highly suggest you do so first as this references events in both those stories. Or don't. You do you. 
> 
> Please let me know in the comments what you think! I'll adore you forever.

There wasn’t exactly a lot of literature about the full effects of a titan’s torture on a Jotun and if there was, Sigyn wasn’t sure if she’d want to read it. 

Loki had his good days and his bad days, and tonight was a good day, a kind of day that Sigyn clung to during the bad, not knowing when the still fading imprint of the titan’s weak but omnipresent control of him would rear its ugly purple head again. 

For all his faults, Loki was at least trying to make things better between them from his confines. And on a good day like today, he held conversations with her with little visible effort. 

They sat next to each other on his bed, both of them leaning so their elbows were on their knees. The coffee Sigyn had brought him from Earth he took slow sips of as if it would suddenly pop its lid and attack him. It was devoid of its usual sugar, Sigyn’s heart always dropped to her stomach when she thought of the first time she had brought him a sugary frappuccino. She had thought it would be a sure-fire hit, raise his spirits a bit as the confinement started to get to him, only for him to immediately throw the drink up, shakily muttering something about ‘purple’ and ‘Thanos’ and ‘sweet.’    


Black coffee it was then.  

“So despite the whole deal with the terrorist and blowing up his suits and getting major surgery, Tony is still insistent on having this party and Thor has already said he’d go,” she said, barely touching the coffee in her own hands. 

“And you still need to attend?” Loki ran back of his knuckles against the back of her hand, his fingers shaking slightly. He was thinner, his hair not nearly as well kept as before, and the purple bags under his eyes matched her own. Maybe she could talk to Thor again about getting him out for just an hour or two...

“I may have sped along his healing from his surgery so he could attend said party in the first place, so Tony is a bit insistent.” She shrugged. “Could be worse.”

“Annoying little man.” Loki took swirled the paper cup in his hand, staring at the green logo on the front. “Why did you agree to such a treatment in the first place? Especially after that ordeal with the child, I thought you placed a ban on that particular power of yours on Earth.” 

In her rush to help move the humans to their shelters, Sigyn had healed what she thought was a cut on an eight-year-old old girl’s head but she had accidently also cured her of a brain tumor. The media frenzy that followed took considerable effort from SHIELD to excuse the incident as a totally un-Asgardian related miracle. 

“Seeing that the point of all this is to build trust and also seeing that Tony is one of the few I can stand talking to on a daily basis, it’s one thing. They already did the difficult bit I just, as you say, waved my hands around a bit.” 

“Such needy creatures,” Loki muttered, staring up at her, “You know as well as I do, Sin, that even if you do every single thing Thor or those humans ask of you that they still will not release me. Nor by the sounds of it trust you.”

“I need to at least try,” she replied, setting her cup down to unpin her hair, letting it fall around her shoulders, “Thor seems to want to help you at least.”

Loki’s shoulders tense, his fingers crumbling the cup in his hand slightly, “I suppose him visiting does make a difference.” 

Apparently, they were still fighting a lot during Thor’s visits. Thor was rightfully angry at his little brother for pulling what he did with the coronation and the Destroyer and so on. Sigyn herself had barely slowed down since the night he left to reflect much on what had happened before she jumped in her ship to find him. Nor did she really want to, their own relationship on a kind of hold. Loki was still shaky, too fragile to have a conversation about them. Only last week she picked out shards of glass buried in his palm, him having crushed a glass of wine in his confusion, asking where he was and who she was and if she was going to hurt him. 

That had been a bad,  _ bad _ day. 

“Hey,” she said, ever so lightly tapping the back of his hand, “Your brother cares. And Odin still isn’t doing so great so he’ll probably still be king soon.” 

“Just as Odin always wanted. Him King of the shining golden realm and me King of monsters and barren wasteland.” 

His dramatics at this point were more than a bit exhausting and all she could do is give him a small smile. “I know you were trying to highlight how much better Thor has it but that still sounds kind of badass.” 

Loki didn’t smile back, only stared at her, searching her face as he asked her, “What would you have done then, had we found out about my heritage in another way and you knew marrying me meant living away from Asgard, freezing for the rest of your life?” 

Sigyn tapped the side of her cup and chewed on the corner of her lip, trying not to show how annoyed she was growing at these kinds of questions.  _ You were the one who jumped, you ass, and I was the one who got you back.  _ The physical proof of her loyalty, the gash in her side from New York, still wasn’t scarring over properly despite it now being free of the parasite that had killed her for three minutes and twelve seconds. (She only knew of the exact time because Loki kept repeating it to himself during his bad days.) 

_ Not the time. Not yet. When he was better. Then they could talk properly.  _

“Have you known me yet to fail you in my devotion?” she finally replied, her tone much more strained than she meant it to be. “I am about to subject myself to a party with Tony Stark to maintain a positive relationship with the other Avengers to help us out down the line. If that isn’t love I’m not sure what is.” 

Loki’s laugh stayed in his chest and throat. “I suppose you did cross realms to bring me this concoction.” 

  
“That I did,” is what she said, but,  _ that’s far from all I’ve done _ was what she said in her heart trying to quell the ever growing voice in the back of her head that none of this strenuous effort from her was going to be worth it. 


	2. Thirty-nine and a Half Foot Pole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Jane and Thor get ready for the party, Loki and Sigyn deal with an entirely much more unpleasant problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch the tags, people, as there is some potentially triggering shit down below. Whumpy Loki ahead.
> 
> As always you can hang out with me on my tumblr. Thank you for commenting, I always appreciate your thoughts!

Jane ran out of her room to stare at the god on her couch. “Does this work?” she asked, wearing a navy blue cocktail dress. Thor had shown up at her flat in a very sharp and expensive navy suit and seeing that they were going together as a couple they should match. Or at least that’s what she thought. These kinds of parties weren’t exactly her forte. 

They were, however, Thor’s. Prince of Asgard meant hundreds of years of parties. And by the look of awe on his face when she came out to see him, she had found a winner of an outfit for this one. 

“You’re going to render everyone there speechless,” he said, slowly standing and putting a hand on her waist, running his other through her hair. The smile he gave her was sweet, though he looked like he needed about a month’s worth of sleep. Fighting a war apparently did that to you. And he was spending what little time he did get to relax with her, how lucky was she? He was even super patient with her when one of her instruments went offline and she had to spend a couple of hours fixing it. Though that was going to be much easier to fix than her bed-

“You seem anxious,” he mused, now stroking her neck, “We’re just celebrating the evening with friends. Nothing to be nervous about.” 

“I just want to make a good impression,” she said, running her hands down his chest. 

“You will. Stark and Banner are already impressed with your work,” he soothed, smiling down at her. “You’ll be wonderful. I know it.” 

He leaned down and kissed her, her heart skipping a beat or two as he did so. “You are already so wonderful,” he murmured, his lips traveling down her jaw and neck, making her pulse quicken and a chill travel straight down her spine. 

“Don’t we have to meet your friend in twenty minutes?” Jane asked her hands already at the waistband of his pants. 

“Plenty of time,” he teased, and as his pants fell to the ground, Jane had to enthusiastically agree. 

****

Sometimes Loki saw stars. Not the stars of the warm Asgardian night, but of the cold Void where the Other had tested the limits of his pain, of his sanity. He often found himself silently begging the stars to bless him with death, coming so close to the inevitability before being rudely dragged back to his cursed existence. He was floating among them, visions of his tormentors cutting in and out of the fog. 

_ You should be dead. Gone now. Should have goaded Thor more into ending it.  _

_ Perhaps I could still goad him into it. _

Probably not. Thor was an idiot. He had been stupid enough to keep him alive up until now. His Jotun brother. Definitely not a spoil of war whose purpose apparently was to simply make him a good king. A better king than him. The scope of his failure was hilarious. His brother made it obvious to him during his visits.

_ Failed king. Failed brother. Failed lover.  _

“Want a change of clothes?”

Loki glanced up, the bright light of the cell suddenly snapping a piece of him back to reality. He wasn’t sure where he had been for the last few hours but he had definitely landed back in his cell, the sharp smell of bile nearly overwhelming him again, until it was gone with a wave of Sigyn’s hand. 

Sigyn. Sigyn was here trying to talk to him. 

“Do you know why you threw up?” 

Loki slowly shook his head, his head much too heavy at the moment. They were both sitting on his bed, though the sheets under him were damp with sweat as were his clothes. “It comes and goes.” He licked his lips, tasting iron as he attempted to get a grasp on his surroundings. “Was Thor here?” 

“I don’t think so,” Sigyn said quietly, “He’s on Earth right now. Meeting me in a bit and we’re going to that party we talked about.” 

That party, yes. She had told him about a party. Which was why her hair was somewhat tamer than usual and dressed in a navy and gold dress that was unmistakably Asgardian. Loki pulled his legs to his chest and gave a quiet laugh, feeling himself fill with a rage and anger he couldn’t quite explain.

“Of course now you’re leaving me to be at Thor’s beck and call once again.”

Sigyn’s reply was resigned. “I am all but begging for a way to not attend so if you have a suggestion, please, Mischief, share.” Her hands began to glow again, scanning him probably, and he pulled himself from his bed, stumbling away from her.  

“Apologies for interrupting your science experiment,” Loki muttered under his breath, his shoulders tense, his hands gripping the side of his chair, “but I am fine. Just go to your party. Have a grand old time with my brother and whomever he’ll dump at your feet this evening.” 

“I think Thor’s going to be plenty distracted, given his human girlfriend will be in attendance,” Sigyn stated blankly. “I’m hoping to sneak away and nap actually.” 

“Look at you scheming, I’m almost proud. My brother could not have chosen a better replacement for me.” 

“Thor sees you more than he sees me. Nothing I ever do is going to come close to matching the relationship you have.”

“He has no need to see me if he has you,” Loki snapped as he tapped his fingers against the chair in front of him. “You’re me just much more  _ compliant  _ and well, Aesir, let’s not forget that.”

“If you think Thor’s anger towards you has anything to do with your heritage, Loki…” she sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “And he’s struggling with what Odin did to you. He admires him so much and knowing that he caused you so much pain...he’s just trying to figure that piece of this mess for himself.”

“Is he truly trying to figure out if Odin was right to steal a babe from his enemy’s people?” Loki’s voice coming out in a rasp, “Perhaps he just fears his frost giant brother will be too difficult for him to slaughter.”

“None of that is true and you know it.” Sigyn made no move towards him, simply standing there, looking divine. He hated this, hated every single day of this. Some days he even found himself hating Sigyn, who treated his cell like it was just another room for her to move in and out from and who had benefited from his sins. 

Sigyn took a deep breath in and out, her resolve steady. “I can come back after the party. I still need to look you over, but it can wait until later.” 

Loki’s fingers were gripping the chair so tightly they were losing color. “Why do you keep coming back here? What exactly is it that you’re looking for down here?” 

“I’m down here because you’re sick and none of the other healers will come in here with you.” Sigyn tilted her head, staring at him. “You’re not yourself. You were dissociating before I came in here. I think you still aren’t all the way here. I can’t fix this unless you let me help you.” 

He paused at that, her words ringing a bell, a realization hitting him hard. “How many times have we had this conversation?”

“More than a few. You repeat the same sections of it over and over like you’ve been given a script.”

“What a script.” He suddenly felt very light headed, and Sigyn was by his side in a flash to help him into the chair he had been clinging onto, holding his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers. 

“Just breathe, Mischief,” she said quietly, “Just breathe. In and out.” 

His whole body was shaking, him clutching the chair still for support. “What the Hel is happening to me?” 

“A bitch of a case of PTSD among other things.” Her eyes gazed steadily at him and he tried to focus back on them, trying to remember what had happened before this and finding that his mind was in a fog. 

“How long...how long ago was Earth?” he gulped, his nails probably cutting into her skin at this point as his breathing slowly began to return to a normal rate.

“Just over seven months.” Sigyn held onto him tight, her hand glowing, “If I may, I can help from here.” 

He nodded and shortly after, he felt much more whole, much more together, to the point where he could ease off Sigyn’s hand a bit, and actually fully see his surroundings.  

“Welcome back.” 

“Thank you. I can’t say I enjoyed the journey,” he said, coughing again before glancing down at her. “You look lovely this evening.” 

“Thank you.” The glow in her hands faded. “If you start, I can usually pull you fully back on the ground.” 

He slowly nodded. “How many times has that happened?”

“Used to be about every two weeks. Then every week. Your last episode was a week ago. I was in here yesterday with you. With coffee. Remember?”

He nodded. “I’m getting worse.” 

She didn’t look at him. “Still seeing if the increase in incidents is typical or not.” 

He took another deep breath and almost leaned back in the chair, before a thought popped into his head, making his eyes widen. “I haven’t...Have I ever…please tell me I never hurt...” 

Loki could hear the slight shake in her voice as she told him. “The only person you’ve physically injured in here is yourself. There’s no more glass in here because of it. Happened about a week ago.” 

The memory was fuzzy but he could vaguely remember his arms covered in red, remembering then that Frigga had found him and that was about as deep into that line of thought he wanted to get into at the moment. 

“I’m sorry,” he said letting go of her hand and slowly standing from the chair, feeling much more steady. “You shouldn’t have to see that. Or any of this.”

“I think the days of you trying to shield me from any kind of fallout are long gone.” 

He tensed slightly at that. “I suppose they are.” 

She sighed, him hearing the now familiar low beep of her earpiece. “Thor and his friend are here. I can cancel if you need me here.” 

“I’m fine now,” he said, lightly rubbing her arm. “Anyhow, I think I need some time to think this through.”

Sigyn nodded, standing on her toes and kissing his cheek. “We’ll figure this out, okay? I’ll come back as soon as I can.” 

“I know.” He gave her a small attempt of a smile. “You keep your word.” 

“Loyalty,” she said before disappearing from his cell, leaving him entirely alone with his thoughts.

Again, not historically the best place for him to be. 


	3. Charming as an Eel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor has an uncomfortable conversation with his father. Plus Tony is having a blast after his retirement from playing superhero, Steve finds a friend to talk to and Loki asks where did this go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and commenting and thanks so much to loxxxlay for letting me ramble at you about this. 
> 
> You can always hang out with me at my tumblr, zombiecheetah. Let me know what you think down below! 
> 
> Enjoy!

There were, by Thor’s rough estimation, a million and one things for Thor to worry about at the moment. The war, his family, his friends, his past, his future. He was used to being surrounded by enemies, knew just how large of a blast of lightning he had to call upon to lay waste to each and every one of them. Unfortunately, worries and anxieties didn’t work the same way. All that his thunder could do was give him a headache. 

Which was one of many reasons he was pleased to see that he could continue to rely on Sigyn’s good nature and warm behavior. The hug she offered him and Jane was shallow rather than bone crushing and he could not help but notice that she was thinner and much more reserved than usual. But with one wide smile, she easily charmed his wide-eyed trembling Jane, Sigyn’s questions a delicate mix of praise and interest in Jane’s work. No wonder his father had flagged her for an ambassador role. 

“I hope you take full advantage of this evening off, my prince,” Heimdall said to Thor in a low voice as Jane enthusiastically jumped into an explanation of her work to a very patient Sigyn. “You deserve some rest.” 

“Your concern is appreciated my friend,” Thor said, patting Heimdall’s back, taking comfort in the fact that his friend looked more or less the same. “How goes Asgard and her people?” 

“Asgard is well. Your brother, however...”

“I am not sure if we have the time,” Thor jumped in quickly, adjusting the label of his shirt, trying and failing to pass off his interruption as a jest. 

Heimdall peered at him as he always did, seeing right through him. “What exactly are you so afraid of down in the dungeons, my friend? Loki is hardly the most frightful creature we have contained down there. Even for you.” 

Thor scoffed. “I’m not afraid,” he said, once again trying out a playful tone with Heimdall shutting his effort down with another pointed look. Thor let out a deep sigh and continued, resigned, “I simply have other pressing issues at the moment that require my focus. If I dwell on the state of my brother for too long…My father is expecting me to lead us to a great victory. I can not do so if my head is with Loki down in the dungeons.” 

An all too familiar voice called behind him, making Thor’s heart sink for reasons he could not quite explain. “Your father expects many things from you, my son.” 

Odin was not an element of this evening Thor was counting on, especially not Odin slowly walking forward and taking in the sight of Jane. “Is this the human woman you have told me about?” 

His tone was not complimentary, making Jane blush a deep pink with anger. Thor watched as Sigyn positioned herself slightly in front of Jane, not sure if she meant to fend off his father or hold back Jane. Thor quickly moved to greet his father before Jane could get in a word that she couldn’t take back. 

“Father, how good to see you,” he said brightly, Odin also not buying his optimism for a second. If there was one thing he envied Loki for it was his ability to not be such an open book when speaking with others. “We were simply stopping by to meet Sigyn. We are all invited to a gathering on Earth to celebrate their New Year.” 

“Fascinating,” Odin said in a voice that suggested he was not fascinated at all, “I’m afraid I do require you for a few moments to go over a few details before you depart for the evening.” 

“Of course,” Thor said, trying not to sound all that disappointed, turning to Jane and smiling kindly. “Why don’t the pair of you go on ahead. I will be right behind you.”

“Are you sure?” Jane asked as she kept glancing at Odin, “I don’t mean...I am sure that whatever it is your father has to talk about is important, and I’m not trying to suggest at all that I’m not more important...but I  _ am _ important we should all take that into consideration-”

“Jane.”  

Thor glanced at Sigyn who gave him a small but tight smile as he attempted to look apologetic. Taking a very concerned Jane’s hand in his own, he raised it to his lips and kissed it gently. “Sigyn is one of my most trusted friends and sister. I am sure she’d be happy to introduce you to Stark and Banner as well as keep you company should you become nervous.” His voice was calm but his eyes were begging and thankfully, Jane got the message. 

“Alright…” Jane slowly pulled her hand from Thor as he tried to look happy, though he could tell his father was already exhausted with the whole exchange. 

“Come on, Jane,” Sigyn said, a knowing look from her confirming that she felt his father’s impatience as well, “I’ll coach you on Stark’s favorite bands and Banner’s seven doctorates. Why would someone on Earth need seven doctorates, exactly?” 

The distraction was enough for Jane to follow Sigyn and the two soon disappeared in a swirl of light and color, Thor feeling more than a bit stung that he wasn’t currently accompanying them. He waited for Heimdall to close the Bifrost back up before turning to his father. 

“You could have been slightly less obvious in your disapproval, Father,” Thor said carefully, testing the waters of his father’s temper. “Or was there an actual matter of war for us to discuss?”

“The health and happiness of my commander is in a way, a matter of war. He just so happens to be my son.” Odin gave a small cough. “I will admit surprise that despite Lady Sigyn’s warnings of humans and their short lifespans, you have still chosen to attach yourself to one.” 

“Loki’s betrayal has provided many opportunities for human companionship,” Thor stated as he paced in time with his father, circling a perfectly comfortable Heimdall who was used to this sort of thing by now. “Midgard is one of the nine realms, is it not? And up until a few months ago, I knew so little of it compared to the others we rule. You would not have sent Sigyn there in the first place if you felt it held no future value.” 

“I sent her there as it is our most vulnerable realm,” Odin clarified, “The humans have barely taken their first steps into a larger world, stalling behind the technology of other realms. Yet it harbors such dangerous items and beings alike that it invites war.” 

“An observation I have not only observed but experienced.” 

“And you fought well. The first of what I believe will be several battles for that realm. We must be ready.” 

“I agree.” The two men circled in silence for a moment before Thor asked, “Have you visited Loki?” 

“Your mother visits him often,” Odin said tensely. “I know that I am not welcome to his cell and I have more pressing things to attend to than sitting and having my son scream at me about things he does not understand.” 

The admittance of his father’s coldness to Loki's condition only made Thor feel more guilty about the lack of his own visitations. “Perhaps if you spoke to him, that would promote an understanding. He was filled with confusion the last I saw him.”

“Loki’s mind is not in the correct place for such an understanding.” Odin paused in his step, staring up at the stars. “Frigga reports that even when your brother is lucid he is still drowning in an ocean of his own self-pity. You possess a confidence in yourself that Loki could never grasp.” He paused for what Thor assumed, dramatic effect, “It is why you will be a great king.” 

Thor stared at his father, making sure that he heard him correctly as compliments did not usually flow from him so easily. “Surely it takes much more than confidence to be a great king?”

“It does.” Odin tilted his head and licked his lips before continuing, “It also takes sacrifice. Knowing what is best for you my not be best for Asgard. Setting aside what distracts you and moving forward with what will best help Asgard’s future.” 

Thor swallowed, trying to keep a handle on the sudden influx of rage that filled him. Of course, his father would pull this again. The King of Asgard also happened to be the King of Manipulation, still making sure his golden son still fell in line. As if being banished once was not warning enough. 

Odin continued, undeterred by Thor’s silence. “Your brother failed me. Failed Asgard, failed you. He did not understand the meaning of sacrifice.” He almost smiled. “Despite our many disagreements, Lady Sigyn does. She understood what chasing after your brother would mean for her, and yet she did it. Shame. If she were not so enamored with your brother she may have made a good queen for you.” 

Thor attempted to speak up with some defense of Jane but every reason he could come up with he knew his father would be unimpressed by. And his father was right in a way, though thankfully he was also right about his friend never agreeing to such a match. His silence once again seemed to satisfy his father as Odin gave him a light pat on his arm. Thor couldn’t help but feel slightly warmed, even through the not-so-veiled insults. His father’s approval was like a drug, a drug his brother had hooked onto so much that he now occupied a cell. If Thor was truly going to be the king he wanted, he knew he couldn’t keep hanging onto Odin hoping he’d fully accept him. But still...it was just so addictive...

“Go. Enjoy your party. Make nice with the humans your brother seemed so bent on destroying,” Odin stated as he turned to leave, “Just remember when the time comes to set distractions aside that you do so. Asgard needs a king who understands his duty. And that is the kind of king that will make me proud.” 

Thor gave his father a small smile and bow of his head. It wasn’t until his father left him that he realized he had curled his hands so tightly into fists that small beads of blood had formed in the moon shaped divots of his palm. He quickly wiped his hands on his pants, trying not to think of what would happen if he didn’t make Odin proud. How much of a disappointment would he have to become before he and Loki were sharing a cell? 

Thor shook his head. _No. Stop._   _Ridiculous._ Loki, sick as he was, had committed treason of all things and had tried to kill him more than once. It was the one thing that made him continually deny Sigyn’s asks to release his brother to her to take him to a place where she felt he could better recover. How long before his recovery led to another stab wound in Thor’s side? Another claim for Asgard or another attempt at destruction of another realm? It wasn’t that he did not wish his brother to get better...though truly how bad could Loki be at this point? When he had dropped him off his brother was full of insults and rage even though Thor hadn’t followed up on his threat of separating him and Sigyn, though perhaps this party held an opportunity for Sigyn to at least meet other people...

Heimdall’s strong, reassuring hand on his shoulder interrupted his thoughts. “You should know, that you already have made Asgard proud several times over. I am fortunate to be counted as your friend.” 

Thor gave him a small smile. “I believe I am much more fortunate to be counted as one of yours.” 

“Jane seems intelligent and kind,” Heimdall continued, “Does she bring you happiness?” 

Thor’s throat was tight. “She does.” 

“Good. You deserve a bit of happiness.” Heimdall nodded at the Bifrost. “Let us not delay you further.” 

“Thank you, friend,” Thor said, trying to shake off the weight of the throne of Asgard as he stepped into the light.    
  


****

Tony was having a great time. He couldn’t remember a time when he was less stressed. Maybe that time in Vegas. Or that other time in Vegas. Or that time…. _man_ , he needed to go back to Vegas. 

And now that he was officially Retired (capital R) he now had time to go back and booze it up with his lovely lady in the strappy little black number who was currently singing her drunk little heart out to Dolly Parton. God, he loved her. 

The one part of this party that he had been slightly nervous about he had even passed with flying colors. It helped that the space god came in with a cute little scientist whom he immediately dumped in front of a very delighted Bruce Banner, the two of them thick as thieves almost immediately. Man, he was good at this party host business. 

The arrival of one particular Avenger surprised even Tony. Steve Rogers, coming in considerable late, wearing a slightly too tight suit and a slightly too long tie, carrying a bottle very awkwardly under one arm. Tony approached with an easy grin and a kazoo in his mouth. “Well, look what the cat dragged in. Thought you old timers liked to get to these type of things early. Also, I thought you told me you weren’t coming.”

“I’m just full of surprises,” Steve said with a shrug and a nervous smile, handing Tony the bottle of scotch from his arm. “Hill said that apparently staying in your apartment alone on New Year’s Eve is depressing.” 

Tony blew into the kazoo in his mouth. “She isn’t wrong. Hey, this is older than you,” he said, looking somewhat impressed. “Those S.H.I.E.L.D. paychecks must be nice.” 

“They aren’t, I just called in a favor,” Steve said, looking around and evaluating the scene. “Seems like everyone and their mom is here. I thought this was supposed to be small?”

“It’s only like a hundred people.” Tony put his arm around him and walked him over to the bar, and shoving a martini in his hand. “Plus, you need friends.” 

Steve looked offended and a little hurt at the accusation, “Who says I need friends?”

Tony just pointed at Natasha who was flipping through the karaoke options with Clint. “For a spy, she’s a pretty talkative co-worker. I mean, come on, Rogers. You’re Captain freakin America. The world is your oyster. Plus, I made sure that the vast majority of the women Pep invited are single.” 

“Jesus, Tony,” Steve said shaking his head, “Is now a good time to ask you how retirement is going?”

Tony threw his head back in an exasperated silent prayer to the ceiling before turning back to Steve. “Look it’s not just you who needs friends.” He nodded towards a very bored looking Sigyn who was politely nodding at Bruce and Jane’s conversation. “Hermione Granger over there needs friends too.”

Steve didn’t look convinced. “Really? Did Natasha tell you that too?”

“Got that directly from the source.” Tony added a sigh and a shake of his head, trying not to overplay his hand. “Shame.”

Steve bit. “Shame what?” 

“You know, the whole thing with Reindeer Games. She was down here and helping me out earlier this. Helped take out the-” he tapped his chest and made a click with his tongue, “ and got me all party ready. Just such a sad little thing. No friends down here or on Asgard. Thor apparently is just gone all the time.” Tony shook his head. “Like, I know she’s over a thousand years old or whatever but I don’t know. I still worry. Don’t want her to, you know.” 

Steve stared at him. “No, I really don’t. Don’t want her to what?” 

Tony cleared his throat. “I’ve said too much already. Actually, I had a question for you, so can you technically get social security cause you’re 90?” 

“Tony,” Pepper’s booze soaked breath still smelled sweet to him, Steve taking the opportunity to slip from his fingers like an eel as he walked in the direction of Sigyn who had escaped the science talk in favor of the other end of the bar. “Maybe we should lay off the ‘Get America Laid’ plan of yours,” Pepper said, giving Tony a look. 

“It’s part of my brilliance, Pep. Make myself so annoying he has to go and talk to other people.”

“Which is different from how you usually are, how?” 

Tony gave her butt a playful slap, “That’s it you’re cut off. Back to the 9 to 5 for you. Also,” he pointed to Steve who was now tapping Sigyn’s shoulder, “You owe me cause he talked to her within the first ten minutes of being here.” 

“I’m sure you had nothing whatsoever to do with that,” Pepper teased, pulling him away from his hard work and back out onto the dance floor, “Cheater.” 

Man, he was killing this retirement thing. 

***

Jane was gorgeous and adorable and Sigyn could see why Thor had fallen head over heels for her. She let her talk to Banner without godly interruption, hanging out at the bar so she was close enough for Jane to see her if she needed her. 

Sigyn was bored already. Pepper had an eye for classy but glitzy decor and the couches looked better now that they weren’t covered in layers of drywall and soot. But she really didn’t have the time or energy to make small talk with the humans, especially since all she could think about was the look on Loki’s face when she left. 

Maybe she could call Nova again. Saal liked her and was fun to talk to. And by the sounds of it some changes were happening in the ranks of the titan. Depending on how those in his thrall liked his changes, an opportunity could be found there. Norns knew that she needed somewhere to place her anger and disappointment and the face of Loki’s tormentors seemed to be prime real estate...

Sigyn flinched as she felt the light tap of a finger on her shoulder. “Someone looks distracted.” 

Of course, Steve Rogers was here. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to sneak up on you,” he said apologetically as she turned to face him, kind smile in tow. He looked good if absolutely out of place. His eyes widened slightly, giving a bit of truth to his following compliment. “You clean up nice.” 

“I decided to show up with slightly less blood on me this time,” she replied smoothly, making him chuckle, “How goes the very dapper Captain America?” 

“Busy.” He nodded to her empty hands. “Can I get you something?”

“I’m alright.” She gingerly leaned against the bar, staring out into the crowd, “I typically don’t drink at these kinds of things. Just in case. Thor one time was so intoxicated he thought a particularly hefty drumstick was Mjolnir. Spent my night picking out bone fragments from various limbs.” 

Steve looked half way impressed. “Well, if that isn’t a fun Saturday night I don’t know what is.” He mimed her and leaned up against the bar. “What have you been up to since I saw you last?”

“Some things here, some things there. Trying to keep out of trouble. Fury summons me for meetings down here sometimes, as you know.” 

Sigyn could feel his gaze wander up and down her form. “You don’t look all that excited to be here.”

“Neither do you. Should have brought the walkie talkies.”

“I’d have to take the down and out of the glass they’re currently sitting in on my shelf.” 

That made her genuinely smile. “I’m glad you like them.” 

He swirled his glass, Sigyn counting down the seconds before he asked the inevitable. “So, elephant in the room.” 

“Fifteen minutes. New record.” 

“Record?” 

She sighed, “I may or may not track how long it takes for someone to ask about our mutual friend.” 

“Oh.” Steve coughed and stumbled a bit, glancing around before saying, “I actually meant the girl talking to Bruce.” 

The effort was beyond clumsy but at least Steve was trying? 

“Dr. Jane Foster. Human scientist currently dating the nonimprisoned Prince of Asgard who apparently is enjoying her conversation with Banner quite a bit.” They both watched with interest as the two scientists started to make diagrams out of chex mix and pretzels. 

It didn’t take long for Steve’s gaze to fall back on Sigyn, his voice quiet as he leaned into her ear. “You know for all the effort you and Thor went through, you don’t talk about Loki much.” 

Might as well get this part of the conversation over with. “What do you want to know?” 

“It’s not about that. I’m not Fury. I don’t keep files on you guys.” Steve set his mostly untouched martini down on the bar. “You can trust me.” 

_ But none of you trust me.  _

“I do trust you, Steve. I’m just trying to be considerate.” She nodded towards the stage where Clint was taking the microphone. “Barton’s already annoyed I keep showing back up instead of disappearing into distant memory. I’m surprised Tony invited me in the first place.” 

“It doesn’t surprise me. You and Tony seem to have hit it off.” Steve gently nudged her arm and she tried not to tense at the contact. “You’re going to have to show me how. Feels like every time I talk to Tony it’s a showdown.” 

“Well, I don’t feel like every time I talk to Tony I’m going to be scolded,” Sigyn teased, trying to sound like she was at ease even though she could still feel that her shoulders and back were tight. 

Pink began to curl around the edges of Steve’s cheekbones. “Makin me sound like my mom.” 

“Ah, there you are!” Thor was suddenly between the two of them, not waiting for the bar tender before grabbing two glasses and a bottle of wine from behind the bar. “Lovely evening for a party, is it not?” 

“That it is,” Rogers replied, “Everything okay up in Asgard?” 

“Yes, nice of you to finally join us,” Sigyn said far too innocently, “How is your father?” 

Thor’s face said it all. “I only wish I were half as immune to his little talks that you are, sister.”  

“I beg your forgiveness for saying so, but your father is an ass,” Sigyn said simply, “Loki learned to put Loki first somewhere and gods know it wasn’t your mother.” 

Thor’s reply was a grumble. “I do not wish to admit that you are right, however…” 

“Watch it,” she warned, suddenly putting her hand on Thor’s as he poured the first glass of wine to the very top of the glass, “About half of that is considered a full glass for them. Don’t want to make Jane think you’re trying to get her drunk.” 

Thor frowned. “Why is the glass this tall then if you aren’t supposed to fill it up all the way?” 

She shrugged. “No idea. Rogers?”

“I know nothing about wine and you still probably know more than me,” Steve replied, his hands raised before gesturing over to the karaoke stage. “What is this that Clint is singing?"

“ _ Heard it Through the Grapevine _ . Marvin Gaye. Not a half bad selection,” Sigyn commented, “Barton’s killing it.” 

“You should participate,” Thor insisted, as Sigyn made the amount of wine in the two glasses match with a wave of her hand, ignoring the slight twinge in her side, “You know all the songs so well.”

Sigyn shrugged her shoulders, absentmindedly wondering if she’d rather participate in the display of drunken singing or if shoving the martini toothpicks into her fingernails would be more enjoyable. “Just a halfway decent working knowledge.” 

Thor’s smile was now teasing, “More than that. You play this music all the time while you’re working.” 

“Really now?” Steve asked, now looking much more interested. 

Sigyn smiled but her voice was firm, “Well, I can’t sing, so as nice as that idea is-“

“Nonsense, you sing with Fandral all the time,” Thor insisted, “As well as, again, the infirmary.” 

“I take it back, my voice is so godlike it will simply shatter the eardrums of all the Midgardians. I’ll sit back for the common good.” 

“Such a sacrifice,” Steve commented with a playfully serious nod.  

Sigyn placed a reverent hand on her chest. “It’s a great burden I carry. Besides, Thor sings better than me anyhow.” 

It was Thor’s turn to shrug. “I don’t know any of the songs.” 

“Surely you’ve picked something up since I do play the music so constantly.” 

Thor thought on that for a moment. “I shall have to see then,” he mused, before taking the two glasses over to a very happy looking Jane. 

“You know I was in a barbershop quartet,” Steve said, as Sigyn tried to once again relax her tight shoulders and back. “We were really good too.” 

“Really? I’m sure Tony could find you something. Star Spangled Banner or God Bless America.” 

“Absolutely not.” 

Sigyn laughed, asking instead about the music he was familiar with from the 1930s and 1940s as well as the selections his quartet used to sing together. Steve hooked onto the conversation and the two of them began to have what may qualify as a normal friendly conversation. 

This night could be going a whole lot worse, Sigyn decided as Steve talked about discovering rock n roll after waking up. Like ‘finding your ex-fiance in a pool of his own blood in a botched suicide attempt’ worse. 

This hurt a lot less.    
  


***

Sometimes Loki thought about that night the week before the coronation. Her on top of him and him inside of her, loving each other and talking about their hopes and dreams for the future. She had once again agreed to marry him, had wanted to just settle in and enjoy Asgard with him. Even though she would have taken on the title of  princess he would have made her his queen. 

He numbly watched the guards bring in yet another round of prisoners from the far off realms of his brother’s war, wondering if they’d laugh at him if he told them who he was. Once a prince of Asgard, now just another spoil of war like them. Someone surely saw the humor in that? 

They had been idiots, he and Sigyn. Every visit of hers reminded him of that. She would come to him, care for him, and then give him this look with wide brown eyes which used to sparkle and dance for him, now tired and worn all the time. Thor had mentioned several times throughout his visits that he should just free her from this whole mess. 

_ Let her go. Say good-bye. She needs to move on. _

His brother was right. Loki should let her go but instead, he clung, afraid that no one would be around to help him if she left. He knew by the spaces left blank in his conversations with Sigyn that she was lonely, their friends off at war, her still not sure how many of them would still speak with her after everything. She was much more closed off now, her chaste kisses and touches of his arm were delicate but only a shadow of their previous passion. Did she still want what they had discussed? After everything? Was she hoping that he’d someone pull himself into the man he had promised he would be? Or simply because he had tainted her reputation too much to give her any other options that to remain chained to a prisoner? 

Loki suddenly realized his breathing had quickened and he could feel himself slowly tipping backwards into that hole, and he tried to pull himself back best he could. He couldn’t do that to her. Once every four days was too much already. Two in a day, in an evening…

No. He had to hold it together. Get it together. Because the last thing Sigyn and Thor needed from him was more disappointment. 


	4. Brain Full of Spiders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane has a lot of drunken questions about dating an Asgardian prince. And Loki takes a wind down memory lane and into a nightmare he can't quite shake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. The tags. Read them. Lots of suicide talk down below. 
> 
> If you are enjoying this ride, please let me know in the comments below, I always appreciate your thoughts! For fic updates, my tumblr is also zombiecheetah.

“So cigarettes are bad for you?” Steve asked with a grin, “Huh. Never would have guessed.”

They had moved out to the balcony, Sigyn offering Steve what she said was “Asgardian weed.” It wasn’t something Steve usually partook in, but given that it had been awhile since he used recreational drugs that actually affected him, and the light buzz from the joint was just the kind of welcome pleasantness he needed.

Sigyn’s eyebrows were nearly in her hairline as she watched Steve breathe out smoke into the frozen breeze. “The whole breathing in tar thing really that much of a mystery?”

“You know I should have known something was up when the docs said it would be good for my health. Always felt like shit after.”

Sigyn blinked. “The medical care, if you can call it that, on this planet is my worst nightmare.”

“You should have seen me before the serum,” Steve said, staring down and adjusting his tie. “Wouldn’t have recognized me. Probably would have been dead by 35.” He stared at the joint between his fingertips. “So is this how you deal with Loki then?”

She almost smiled at that as she took it back from him. “I’ve hardly lived a stress-free life.”

“You know, nowadays the doctors apparently think stress can be just as deadly as cigarettes.”

Sigyn peered at him. “Why do I feel that’s a direct quote from your own doctor?”

“Well, you’re the medical professional. Do you disagree?”

“That you need to relax more? I absolutely agree.”

“I wasn’t talking about me.”

She let out a slow breath, crushing the paper under her food before wiping it out of existence with a wave of her hand. “I’m not sure of what exactly you’re looking for from me.”

“Well, how about a friend?”

“Didn’t know that was on the table after my little stunt with JARVIS.” She gave him a look. “I’m not complaining, really. I knew what I was getting myself into going into this ordeal. That all of this might be a possibility.”

“All of this?” Steve asked, frowning.

Sigyn gestured towards the sparkling city in front of them. “No offense, but I was looking forward to never seeing your realm again. The fact that I’m back here now after enduring years of your hilariously short circle of life...” 

“I think I can actually get that. Given my own unique icy circumstances.”

Sigyn looked up at Steve surprised. “I suppose you can.”

They shared a small smile just as a very boozed up Tony Stark appeared and threw a loose arm around a very amused Steve. “Hey, Captain, I have a very enthusiastic blonde who really wants to know more about how that shield of yours works.”

“I’m sure she does,” Sigyn teased, grinning as she got a glimpse of the excited blonde in question, Steve playfully glaring back at her as Tony pried him away from the balcony.

Sigyn sighed, her smile fading slightly as she wondered how fast it would seem this time until all of these Midgardians were gone-

“Hey.”

She turned to see a very apologetic and slightly intoxicated Jane, stumbling as she made her way next to Sigyn on the balcony, grabbing onto the rail for support. The small scientist was grinning and looking a little apologetic as she downed the rest of her wine. “Great party, right?”

“It is,” Sigyn said warmly, “Bruce is sweet, isn’t he?”

Jane nodded. “He’s talking to Thor right now. Everyone is so nice here. It's nice Thor has such nice friends." She nudged Sigyn's elbow. "Apparently you're basically siblings."

Sigyn nodded, tapping the silver rail with her fingertips, not sure if this was an observation or an accusation. “I haven’t seen Thor all that often because of the war but yes, we’re good friends.”

“I’m sorry about Loki,” Jane suddenly spurted out, “I mean he was a jerk and he killed a lot of people but still. Sucks. Especially since you were engaged and everything."

It wasn't often that Sigyn found herself speechless, opening her mouth to speak before closing it, reconsidering what she was going to say that wouldn’t come off as completely rude or dismissive towards her friend's lover.

Jane started to flush as Sigyn blinked at her. “Sorry. That was probably too much. The wine was super good, sorry, I should just go-”

“It’s fine,” Sigyn lied, forcing a smile and repeating the question she had asked Steve, as she steeled herself, “What exactly do you want to know?”

Jane glanced back and Sigyn with her, Thor and Bruce still engaged in conversation before Jane turned back and leaned into her. “Well, I don’t exactly have a ‘How to Date a Space Prince 101’ book handy.”

 _This conversation was probably going to end in heartbreak._ “Ah.”

“But you're basically it," she said, grinning up at Sigyn, "being with Loki and all. I just have no idea what to do or where to start and you're really the only person I can ask."

Sigyn hoped the buzz from the joint would help smooth over anything too personal that Jane asked. “Then ask away.”

Jane took a breath, “So like what are the expectations when you’re dating an Asgardian prince? In Asgard, I mean.”

 _Simple enough question._ “Expectations are to conduct yourself with honor. To excel in your chosen career. And to engage with the political dramatics without participating in them.” Sigyn smiled to herself, remembering how she and Loki would often talk about the latest court gossip in a very secluded section of the gardens. That is, when they actually _talked_ in said section...

“And what about marriage?”

Sigyn was glad to not be drinking anything as she surely would have choked. “I’m glad to hear things are going well with you and Thor,” she said evenly, thanking the Norns that Sif was several realms away from this conversation.  

Jane shrugged. “I just want to know if this is a serious thing for him.”

“Have you asked him?” Such a simple question and yet...

Jane blushed, playing with the stem of her glass with her fingertips. “That would be the reasonable thing to do, wouldn’t it?”

“Just a bit.” Sigyn gave Jane's shoulder a small friendly pat. “You shouldn’t doubt Thor’s affection for you, Jane. I know you make him very happy.”

“But like what about like...kids?”

Another fun question Sigyn purposefully misanswered. “It took awhile to develop but the God of Fertility is on fairly strong birth control.”

“Good to know,” Jane said, giving a small burp and covering her mouth. “Sorry. You won’t tell Thor I asked you this, right?”

Sigyn nodded. “I will not if that’s what you wish.”

“Just I have this project and I really think I’m onto something,” Jane said, closing her mouth as she gave another small burp, “But since he’s like heir of Asgard and whatnot he probably wants kids, right?”

“Definitely something you should talk to him about,” Sigyn repeated kindly but firmly.

“I’m just asking,” Jane said looking up at her. “I just don’t want to ask a stupid question. Or make him think that I like my research more than him or something.”

She stared up at Sigyn expectantly and the healer finally relented slightly.

“Like in traditional monarchies on Earth, heirs are important to the Asgardian throne,” Sigyn said, evaluating just how drunk Jane was, wondering if she’d remember any of this come morning, “if you do not want children, Jane, you need to address that with Thor.”

“Were you and Loki going to have kids?” Jane asked, Sigyn biting down on her lip hard as she gazed out across the city.

“We were going to start trying once we were married,” she confirmed quietly, not knowing if she appreciated the sad look a slightly pale Jane was giving her.

“I think I’m going to throw up.”

That wouldn’t do. “Here.”

A few moments of wavy golden hands from her and color started to flood back into Jane’s face. Sigyn heard her name being called inside. “Are you alright?”

“Much better,” Jane said with a grin. “You must be a hit at parties.”

“You have no idea,” Sigyn said, grateful to have an excuse to peel herself away from the awkward conversation with Jane to a very excited looking Tony Stark.

“Hey, Sigyn, come here.” Tony was standing in a circle with Maria and Rhodey, both looking just slightly wary of her as she approached, “Can you please tell these assholes that, hand to God, you told me that Thor had to wear a wedding dress on one of your missions?”

“How else was he supposed to get his hammer back from the giants,” she confirmed with what was hopefully a winning smile, “The story is true.”

“I’ll be damned. Please tell me you have pictures,” Rhodey said, looking heartbroken as she shook her head.

“Mental pictures only but I assure you that he looked quite glorious.”

Even Maria laughed a bit at that. “So do you guys always have such crazy adventures?”

“The adventures I was invited to were definitely crazy. The ones I was not but showed up to anyway even more so. But I’m a healer, not warrior by trade. I prefer dancing to fighting any day.”

Maria tilted her head. “When you say dancing, you mind like bump and grind or...?”

“More traditional in the type of settings I am used to. There are dances we learn as children and I mean we live long enough, hopefully one gets it within a thousand years or so. Thor is actually not half bad.”

“Oh man, I’ve gotta see this. Hey Thor!” Rhodey called out to the God of Thunder, who looked up from his conversation with Bruce. “Come here for a second. This chick here says that you’re not a bad dancer of which I call bullshit.”

“I am excellent at most things, I do not see why this would be surprising to you,” Thor replied, puffing out his chest. “Would you like a demonstration?”

“With you and what partner?” Sigyn mumbled, not surprised at all by Thor’s hand suddenly in her own as he took her hand out to the dance floor.

“If you’d be so kind,” he said, his bright blue eyes shining as Sigyn obliged him, a song suddenly flooding the room that was definitely not a Top 40 hit and definitely not from Earth.

“I hate you only a little bit,” Sigyn murmured, as they took off across the makeshift dance floor. The others circled around them, watching with interest, Rhodey with his camera phone out, filming them. Sigyn spotted Steve in a corner, who was grinning and raised a glass to her.

“Smile big for Rogers,” Thor teased as he spun her around the dance floor, Sigyn rolling her eyes as she tried to lose herself and her disappointments to the beat of the music.

***

Of all the memories of himself and Sigyn Loki reflected on, there was one he came back to the most. One he slipped into easily, this time in the middle of slumber. 

“Here we are.”

Loki watched the healer’s face as she entered the golden room. Her brown eyes widened, a small smile caught on her face, her shock quickly being replaced with playful disbelief.

“Very funny, your highness,” Sigyn said, taking in the black and gold four poster bed, the floor to very high ceiling bookshelves, the desk and chairs, “I’m sure I will be just as pleased with the actual room you have for me.”

Her tone was teasing but careful, somehow enthusiastic but measured at the same time. The tone of someone who was used to bracing herself for crushing disappointment. Loki could relate.

“Now, I may be mischievous, my dear girl, but never cruel,” he said smoothly, leading her to the bookshelf, “I am allowed more dangerous literature in the magical arts than those you may find in our library which I have already provided for you. Mother would like you to occasionally join me in my training if you’re willing.”

“Gladly.” Sigyn peered at the bindings, a delicate finger stroking down the spine of one of the volumes before pulling it out and examining it in her hand, still not quite believing it as she looked up at Loki. “If this is in fact, the truth, your highness, it’s too much.”

He shrugged. “My mother is still with us. Without you, she would not be. This room, these books, simply a shadow of my gratitude.”

Sigyn carefully reshelved the book and turned to Loki, tilting her head, “You and the Allmother seem very close, your grace. I’m glad she is still here as well.”

“You do not need to be so formal with me, Sigyn. ‘Loki’ or I do suppose ‘Mischief’ is acceptable.” He watched her as she turned to the desk, looking it over, “My mother tells me our families have quite the history. I had no idea you were the granddaughter of Ottar.”  

Sigyn paused in her step, turning up to him, her whole body suddenly tense and ready to spring. “I am.”

“Makes sense then,” he said tilting his head at her. “I confess myself jealous. Ottar was well known for his knowledge in the magical arts. How much there must be to learn from you.”

“My whole family has the gift.” Sigyn was currently taking a particular interest in the wood grain of the desk, tapping at it lightly with her finger tips. She was still on edge, careful, cautious. The slightly beaten down but joyful healer who had spoken to him that night buried and he couldn’t understand why.

“Sin.”

His use of her pet name made her look up at him, brown eyes wide and curious. He tried to look reassuring.

“Is something the matter? You look like I’m going to pull a dagger on you any moment.”

“I trust you a bit more than that.”

“But you don’t trust me?” He tried and failed to not to sound hurt. Did she trust Thor then? They had gotten along iambically when his brother visited their recovering mother...

“I do.” She tilted her head, evaluating him. “If we’re speaking plainly then.”

“Please.”

She walked over and sat at the window seat, patting the space next to her. “I am currently placing more trust in you than anyone I ever have at this moment.”

Intriguing. He joined her, the padded bench large enough for him to keep a somewhat respectful distance between them. “Continue.”

Sigyn looked him straight in the eye. “You wish to be friends.”

He couldn’t breathe, trying to read her expression.“Do you not wish such?”

“I do wish such. I like you, Mischief.” 

Loki could not detect even a hint of a lie in her declaration, the breath he took long and slow, though he suspected she had more to say on the matter. “You have a concern.”

She leaned forward so her elbows were on her thighs, her hands clasped in front of her. “You’re right in that I am currently censoring myself around you. I have encountered too many situations where those above me have wished for those below them to speak freely only for those free speakers to be strangled by their own tongues soon after.”

He scoffed, offended. “You truly think I would be so primitive?”

“No, I don’t.” She looked up at him. “You’re no Odin and I mean that as the highest compliment.”

The smile on his face was an automatic reaction he couldn’t help. “I think I much prefer you when you speak freely.”

“I’m simply not at all impressed by him, that’s all. Too much like Ottar. My first day here the Allfather had you publicly lashed for something so ridiculous I truly do not remember what.”

“I’m not sure that matters. Lashings simply happen every thirty years or so when you are the brother to the blameless golden heir,” he said with a sigh, wincing slightly at the memory. “Though that particular incident was not nearly as pain inducing and I healed surprising quickly, even for me…”

He trailed off, not missing the small knowing smile on her face, putting two and two together. “But you already knew that,” he breathed, “You do know that interfering with the punishment of the crown is a capital offense.”

She shrugged. “Only if you’re caught.”

_Be still his mischief loving heart._

“You didn’t even know me.”

“Does that matter?” She raised her hand, gold light swirling around it easily, "I heal strangers every day. It would have been odd for me to stand aside. Besides, the display just another reminder that your father and my grandfather were friends." 

His next question waded into waters he wasn’t sure he was allowed into yet. “Did Ottar ever punish you similarly?”

“Nothing nearly so obvious,” she said, the light fading from her hand. “Let’s just say I learned fairly quickly to shield myself from magical attack.”  

He quickly regretted his admittance of jealousy earlier in their conversation. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

Both were quiet for a moment, Loki tapping the tips of his fingers together. “Can you trust me then? To not bring you harm and if need be to shield you from the wrath of my father? Not that I think you will ever earn it. You did save the Queen, you’re in his good favor.”

”I can,” Sigyn said, her gaze locked into his, “And though I appreciate the thought, I much prefer fidelity over favor. Loyalty is much more dependable.”

“Then you have mine. Fidelity, that is.”

The promise was sweet and genuine, and he could see her doubt begin to ebb away from her gaze, replaced with what cautious contentment.

He placed a hand on her shoulder, the muscle immediately tensing under his palm. He didn't even look at Sigyn's face before pulling away and standing. 

“Forgive me,” he said, wondering if now he should take his leave.

“Mischief?” He made himself look at her face as she slowly stood, surprised to see that she looked more bewildered than anything else, her tone into the epitome of gentle assurance, “What's wrong?" 

Now he was confused. Why wasn't she angry? 

"Did you suddenly remember you had somewhere to be?" 

"I...I may have misread the situation." His cheeks began to heat as he cursed himself in his head for being an idiot. "I do not often do that, forgive me." 

"I don't often have people touch my arm and then jump away like I turned into a giant spider, so we're both in unfamiliar territory," she teased, his face turning more red though he couldn't help but smile. "What made you think I was so offended?"

"You tensed." 

"I work in an infirmary, tense is simply a state of being at this point." She was much more noticeably relaxed now, he noted, her smile fading slightly as she continued, "May I?" 

He nodded and she quickly and easily stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck. She was trembling slightly but she was warm and soft and smelled nice, a few loose waves of hers tickling his nose. One of his hands held the back of her neck, his thumb stroking her hair. He wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t need this just as much as she did. Her arms around him tightened slightly and they both stood there for a moment, finding comfort in each other’s embrace.

"Thank you," she murmured into his shoulder, "for everything." 

"Thank you," he repeated back, not wanting to let go, and she didn't seem to want to either...

_So did she thank you for jilting her for all of Asgard to see I wonder?_

Loki quickly snapped up, trying to locate the source of the voice as the color purple started to creep in, a pale smoke slowly filling the room, the black and gold suddenly purple and blue.

“Stop it. This is supposed to be a good memory,” he muttered under his breath. Well, this small reprieve from Hel had been fun while it lasted.

“Mischief?”  

Loki stared down at Sigyn whose face was pained and he realized in horror that his hand was holding onto the handle of a shiny silver dagger currently buried into her side.

_No wonder you always seem to return here. To this place._

It was difficult to see how much blood there was against her navy (it was one of the reasons she wore the color) but it was enough for his long thin pale fingers to be dipped in crimson as she crumbled to the ground in front of him, her body shuddering against the now purple floor.

_It’s here where you killed her, isn’t it? So sentimental..._

“You’re not here, none of this is real,” Loki spat out, looking around for the source of his tormenter, trying to ignore the sight of his sputtering love on the floor in front of him.

“It is though, in a way.” The form of his brother stepped out, his arms crossed, staring down at Sigyn like she was a speck of dirt the servants had missed during their daily cleaning. “You do enjoy on the nose metaphors so much, brother. Did you not have a dream about my own death at your hand the other night? And mother’s the night before that?” Sigyn’s body suddenly stilled, Thor gingerly turning her body over with the toe of her boot. “Though I do believe my death was much more dignified.”

“She’s alive as are you and both at that party on your precious Earth,” Loki insisted, his fear quickly being replaced with a tired frustration, “You’re probably fucking that Jane girl at the moment.”

“Probably,” Thor confirmed with a shrug. “Perhaps she’ll be the center of one of these dreams soon. Though I would think you would take joy in murdering her. I did chose her over you if you’ll remember,” he said with a charming grin, pointing at Loki.

“Are you quite done?” Loki asked, exasperated. “Can we not just cut to the bit where I wake?”

“Wake to what exactly? At least here this stays a fantasy.”

“This is hardly a fantasy.”

“I think we can make that happen,” Thor said snapping his fingers before Loki could open his mouth to protest.

He was suddenly in Stark Tower, empty and silent except for sounds of...well he was familiar enough with the activity to know what sex sounded like. What he didn’t suspect were the words that came out from the door between what he instantly recognized as Sigyn’s breathy moans.

“Steve…”

“Alright now, this is just sloppy,” Loki groaned, turning to see the nightmare version of his brother standing next to him. “Embarrassingly so, actually.”

“It does sound quite sloppy in there doesn’t it?” Thor asked him lightly. “Go on. I know you’re curious.”

“I really am not.”

Thor stood and stared at him shaking his head. “This is for you, brother. You are so determined to stay in this poor girl’s life because why? Because you think she can’t find happiness with another?” He nodded towards the door. “Go on. Take assurance in the fact she can be perfectly happy without you.”

Loki swallowed, the sound of panting becoming louder in his ears. He glared at his brother and slowly made his way to the door, peering inside.

Sigyn was sitting on the edge of a conference table, her hair free and loose around her shoulders, her skirts hitched, her bodice pulled down to the point of indecency, The Man Out of Time rutting between her spread legs, shirtless, his pants in a pool around his feet.

The compromised state of the pair wasn’t what hit Loki. Neither he nor Sigyn were monogamous, Fandral a particularly memorable staple in their bed to the point of domestic bliss. And Loki wasn’t so naive as to think she had not taken others between her legs during his year in the Void. Part of him even hoped so, hoped that she had found a moment or two of joy in what he could only assume was great pain.

What sucked his heart into the gaping black hole in his chest was the look on her face. She looked so carefree. So happy. Unburdened from the disappointment and shame he knew he had bestowed on her. Sigyn kissed the soldier hungrily, the soldier’s grasp on her tight but reassuring, holding her like she was the air he breathed.

“You’re going to come for me first,” Rogers teased as he snapped his hips into her. “I can feel you.”

“Me? I can do this all day,” Sigyn teased him between pants, grasping the neatly cut blonde hair on the back of his head, making him gasp.

“That’s my line,” Rogers grunted out. He gave her ass a small slap, her smile betraying the effort it was taking for her to hold on.

“If you let me on top for this little contest of yours, you’d be gone in a minute flat.”

“Not polite to make the lady do all the work, now, is it?” One of his hands disappeared under her dress. Sigyn’s back tensed and soon she was gone, Steve following behind on her heels, pulling her hips into him as much as possible.

Loki turned to Thor, raising an eyebrow, pushing his feelings aside. “You must be off your game if you truly think this upsetting.”

Thor didn’t answer, just nodded back towards the room, Sigyn’s voice loud and clear in Loki’s ears, “Well, if that doesn’t do it…”

“As long as the kiddos don’t know they were conceived in this tower I think we’re good,” Steve chuckled kissing her hair, making Loki’s stomach suddenly become tight and heavy.

“Or Stark,” Sigyn added, tapping Steve’s chest, “We’d never bear the end of it.”

“We’re going to have to make him the godfather, aren’t we?”

“Sorry, Stars and Stripes, but we definitely are,” she said with a laugh, kissing his collarbone.

“I suppose that’s acceptable,” Rogers said with a sigh, “They already have the best mom ever.”

Sigyn’s face softened at his compliment, the look on her face so sweet and loving it made Loki ache.

“See?” Thor murmured quietly into his ear. “Do you see how happy she is, brother? Is this not what she’s wanted?”

Loki swallowed, turning away from the vision on his heel, immediately going into defense mode. “As stunningly hurtful this little vision of yours is, your detail work needs improvement. Sigyn would insist on you being the godfather of any child she beared.” His eyes flicked up and down Thor’s form. “The real you. Not this nightmare you that can’t let me sleep in peace. And the soldier is much too virginal to be that good of a fuck. She’d never be satisfied.”

Thor gave him a knowing smile. “And have _you_ been able to satisfy her entirely?”

Loki was stiff and stared at his nails. “I’ve heard no complaints.”

“Avoiding the true meaning of the question as usual because we both know the answer.” Thor turned to him. “We’ve talked about this, Loki. Your mother is not even your mother. She does not need a monster for a son just as I do not need a disappointment for a brother. I have Jane now, and with you gone, Sigyn can finally have the life she wants instead of being your personal nurse.”

Loki was shaking but couldn't find anything to spit back. Thor placed a hand on Loki's shoulder, surprisingly gentle for the harshness of his statements. “You no longer need to suffer, brother. You can let go. You know it yourself, there is no escape from this place. Every time you sleep I will be here. Nor is there escape from your cell out there. It's only a matter of time before the rest of them let you go so why not just make it easier for everyone.” Thor gave his shoulder a pat. “Just think it over. Be reasonable. It was always your best quality, brother.”

And with another snap of Thor’s fingers, Loki suddenly woke up from his dream and glanced around his white sterile cell. His back was drenched with sweat and his hands were clammy as they fumbled over the sheet he had pulled over himself as he had slept, trying to free himself from it.

So close to actually having a dream that didn’t end in madness, he thought as he finally shakily stood from his bed to get water, trying to remember how that memory actually ended, what had happened after his and Sigyn’s embrace.

_Come on. Get it together._

Loki groaned with frustration as he thought through the memory over and over again, the ending now replaced with the horrors of blood and silver, topped off with a pair of wide brown glassy eyes.

Okay, then. New approach. When was the last time Thor had visited him? The real one. A week ago? Maybe? Loki struggled to recall the details of their conversations. The time before that as well. And the time before that...

_Surely, he was going mad. Or more accurately, more mad._

Loki stumbled over to the bowl of water on the makeshift wash stand, splashing much more liquid onto the floor than onto his face. The water helped clear his mind a little bit as he stared out at yet another group of enemies currently being processed and locked away. At least Thor’s war was going well. Continuing to not be the family disappointment.

Loki was tired but too exhausted to sleep again and return to battle with the entity that inhabited his head. Perhaps when Sigyn got back she could help as it was probably just his own mind rearing it's ugly stupid head again.

That is if Sigyn came back at all. She was probably having the time of her life down on that blasted planet and dreading coming back to see him like this again.

He stared down at this reflection in the remaining water, trying to remember his last suicide attempt. The red, the dagger, his mother, Sigyn soon at his side trying to keep it together as the lines he cut down his forearms sealed themselves shut…

_Why had he failed?_

***

“Having fun yet?”

Dey hurriedly took his feet off his desk as Saal approached him. “Or are the slimy gits out of our grasp once again?”

“Gamora and Nebula are once again on the move,” Dey said, handing Saal a tablet. “I was actually thinking about calling Sin because it looks like a few of Thanos’ crew ended up in a sector I know Asgard was fighting in. Maw and maybe Midnight? Though she’s been spotted in a couple of different places by now so I’m not sure what’s going on.”

“Well, get sure,” Saal stated firmly, glancing through the prepared files. “Daughters of Thanos.”

“They give me the heebeegeebees,” Dey said with a shudder. “Imagine the daddy issues growing up with that guy.”

“I really _truly_ do not wish to subject myself to such a thought experiment,” Saal said, flipping through files, “Did Lady Sigyn update you on if her subject remembers any of these villains?"

Dey shook his head, “Sounds like her friend got roughed up pretty bad.”

“I’m shocked he survived,” Saal said dryly, “A Jotun, she said?”

“Apparently, they’re pretty adaptable. They can tolerate a lot of pain.”

“I hope so,” Saal replied, “These reports of the titan driving his victims so mad they rip apart everything in sight are disturbing enough without adding one more.”

Dey scratched the top of his head. “Makes me worry about Sin. Friend has a lot on her plate.”

“Friend can handle herself just fine,” Saal stated, though his voice betrayed his worry, “Let’s just hope that she can continue to handle the Jotun. Call her if you need to. Otherwise, let’s try to catch one of these a-holes so we can figure out what this purple monster wants from the rest of the universe.”

“Sir, yes sir,” Dey said with a half-hearted salute, knowing that he probably wouldn’t like the answer they would get.


	5. The Tender Sweetness of a Seasick Crocodile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigyn has a heartfelt conversation. Bruce sings Kermit the Frog. And Thor has a lot on his plate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch the tags again, friends. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone for supporting this fic! (Shoutout to Loxxxlay for letting me scream at you) 
> 
> Thank you also for commenting and giving me feedback I can not tell you how much that means to me. 
> 
> As always, I am also zombiecheetah on tumblr where you can look for fic updates or come and scream at me in my inbox. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The music that J.A.R.V.I.S. had definitely not queued up ended and both Sigyn and Thor took a bow. Thor was grinning widely, accepting congratulations from all fronts as Tony stepped into the circle.

“Okay, everyone, the gods are done showing up Jesus on his birthday. Or you, know, close enough. Why doesn’t everyone go back to opening presents and everything and then we’ll start into game time?”  

The party was going great. This little dance thing the gods put on was just the cherry on top. And hey, once game time started, he could stick Steve back with Sigyn…

Tony glanced around but the witch had already slipped from his intoxicated grasp. Damn it. 

At least Thor was having issues with locating Sigyn as well. He placed a large hand on Tony’s shoulder, looking around and frowning. “Perhaps I embarrassed her too much?” 

Tony shrugged. “She looked plenty happy to me. Go hang out with your smart little gal pal. I’ll find her.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Sure! We've become really good friends, buddy. Go and have a good time with Foster. I’ll have Hermione Granger back in no time. Maybe even if I’m lucky, I can get her on the karaoke machine.” 

Tony left a very skeptical Thor on the dance floor and like a goddamn master, he slipped out of the party into the quiet of the hallway. 

Oh, Asgardians. So much drama. 

Not that Sigyn ever told him any of that shit. The woman was always professional and constrained during those meetings with Fury despite the crap that got tossed around not just about her but with her boyfriend. Tony had to admire her for that as he doubted if they switched positions he could keep things that classy. 

Tony called out to J.A.R.V.I.S. as soon as he moved past the handful of couples not so subtly making New Year's babies in the darkened corners of the hallway, “You wanna tell me where ex-future Mrs. Reindeer Games ended up?” 

“Level Twelve. Down the hall and to your right, sir.” 

So girlfriend really didn’t want to be found. That level, his old lab, was blocked off to guests, but Sigyn seemed to be able to sweet talk J.A.R.V.I.S. into giving her whatever she wanted anyway. 

Not that Tony minded, or that’s what he tried to convince himself. He hadn’t stepped into said lab since blowing up the Iron Legion. The space was too tempting and he could easily see himself fall back into old habits. He was done with the superhero thing. He promised Pepper. He was _ retired _ . Which he was great at. Definitely.

But he did promise Thor to drag his friend back to the party and Sigyn was giving him more than a few reasons to worry. Girl seemed a bit out of it during her and Thor’s little dance party. So with a sigh, Tony stepped into the lift and a few moments later he could see her sitting in a chair in his lab, chatting with...was she Skyping someone? Tony didn’t think she had many friends on Earth outside of the Avengers team. And as he quietly slipped into the lab, ignoring the empty pods where suits once stood, he realized that apparently, they had Skype in space. Unless there was a Star Trek convention somewhere he wasn’t aware of. Though to his knowledge, Skype had yet to develop projection wrist cuffs which were definitely the source of the projection in front of his friend.  

The man on the screen had full command of Sigyn’s attention and it was just now upon further examination in the bright light of the lab that Tony could see the deep purple bags under her eyes, her polite smiles replaced with palpable anxiety and frustration as the man on the screen spoke,

“So that’s where we are with Midnight and Maw. Are you sure you’re still up for this, Sin? No offense, but I can’t tell if you or my crew just came back from that stint on Knowhere.” 

She gave the man a small shaky smile. “Come now, Dey, my performance was more than adequate before I returned to Terra and we all know I was not in the best of spirits then.” 

“It’s not always about your performance, though, is it?” The man Tony guessed was called Dey tilted his head. “Are these Terran assholes keeping you awake at night?” 

“Terrans are fine,” Sigyn insisted, “if exhausting. I can’t exactly blame them for being curious about a world they didn’t know existed a few months ago. I also can’t blame them for such a singular focus on their attackers. Gods know I’ve tried to keep things that way, at least until they all get their bearings. But I’m afraid this process is going to take a bit more hand holding.”

_ Hand holding? Process? _ Didn’t he blow up the big bad alien army that wanted to hurt them? The memory was more than a bit vivid and had been causing him more than enough issues. 

“And how’s your friend, is he doing better?” 

Sigyn slowly shook her head and Tony watched as she took a heavy pause that suffocated the entire room, her voice as delicate and breakable as glass when she finally cut through the silence, “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, Dey. He’s getting worse and I have no idea why.” 

Dey nodded slowly, “If anything like that happened to my wife or baby girl like...I don’t know what I’d do.” 

It wasn’t like Sigyn hasn’t told him about the other alien. That one titan who apparently had turned Loki into his personal attack drone. And Sigyn hadn’t exactly offered up information about what Loki he had experienced at the hands of this thing. This thing in space. Who liked portals. Also, the lab was super hot, did Sigyn have like magical temperature powers where she wasn’t affected by heat or what?

“You’d have to fight Saal as to who could kill the bastard first.” Sigyn gave a small cough, trying to clear her moment of weakness from her throat. “That man is one of the most protective people I’ve ever met.” 

“Saal doesn’t care until he really  _ really _ does and is why we’re going to take this purple monster down.”  Dey’s voice was insistent bordering on enthusiastic. “And you’re going to fix your friend and then you’re going to get your butt back here so I can give you a hug and so you can help us take this dick down.” 

If it hadn’t been clear before that this was a conversation Tony shouldn’t be listening to given his condition, he was intimately aware of it now. He gasped, finding it difficult to breathe with such a tight throat and chest. And fuck the lights in this lab were bright.  

Sigyn twirled a pen from Tony’s desk in her hand, turning at the sound of him gulping like a fish out of water, “Tony? How long have you been standing there?”

Tony tried to answer her but couldn’t hear himself over the ringing in his ears, which grew louder and louder as his vision began to turn into black dots. 

And then some bastard turned off the lights in his lab leaving him in complete darkness. 

Rude. 

 

***

 

Thor craned his neck to look back at the door, trying to see if Sigyn and Tony had returned as Jane swayed with a very playful Natasha to some song the others had gotten Bruce to sing. Something about being green that was originally sung by a frog, though the man’s cheeks were bright pink. The encouragement from the others was sweet, him making a point of clapping and whistling loudly in a show of support.  

Thor found he rather enjoyed Earth, despite his other two visits being on poor terms. The humans were sweet and he couldn’t help but admire just how much they tried to do with the small amount of time they had. Jane especially seemed to be jumping from one thing to another, her passion for her work coming through in every syllable she spoke. 

Sif’s words to him still occasionally rang in his ears only for him to push them away. He adored Jane and although they were not yet at the ‘passion than spanned universes stage’ of their relationship, surely they were fine, were they not? 

“Hey there, fellow confused friend.” 

Thor turned to see Steve Rogers giving him a small salute with the beer in hand before nodding to a shaky sounding but adorable Bruce. “You know, you gotta hand it to your girl. Of all of us tonight I wasn’t betting on Banner getting up there. Apparently, she talked him into it.” 

“Jane is very encouraging,” Thor commented with a nod. “Are you not participating?” 

“Oh God, no. Nor am I giving everyone a dance demonstration. Not that I can do much in that department anyway…” 

Thor watched as Steve’s smile faltered for just a moment, as he took a particularly large swig of his beer. 

“Perhaps Sigyn will need to teach you,” Thor suggested innocently, “That is if I can figure out where she went. Stark went to look for her.” 

“She probably just wants to be alone for a bit. Can’t blame her.” Steve stuffed his other hand in his pocket, swaying forward and back slightly on his heels, “You must be stressed as all hell too. Are you sure you don’t need some help with this war of yours? I’m now kind of interested in what Asgard is like. Then again, I can barely navigate New York anymore and I’ve lived here all my life so maybe that’s not the best idea.” 

Thor gave Steve a small bow of his head, “Though I am touched and honored that you would offer your services, Steven, I do not believe my father would approve.” 

“I would think after Loki you could do pretty much whatever you wanted and still be their favorite kid. No offense to your brother.” 

“I am sure Loki would not take any,” Thor murmured, an anvil of guilt suddenly landing back on top of his chest, “My father is not someone who enjoys displays of weakness. And unfortunately, despite arguments to the contrary, he sees humans as weak. I also mean no offense.” 

“Sorry, buddy, I’m not going to let your dad completely off the hook for that one,” Steve replied, considering Thor’s words, “Maybe it’s just because I’ve been talking to Sigyn a lot but your old man doesn’t sound like the most relaxed or open guy in the world.” 

Thor suddenly felt angry and offended and he wasn’t sure why. “My father is complicated, perhaps, but he wants the best for Asgard and her people. It is all he has ever worked for during his reign and his father before that. Sigyn knows him only as her king, not as her father. Odin has only done what he thinks is best for Asgard, like his father before him. It pains me that Loki does not see this.” 

He took a deep breath as a slightly alarmed Steve took a long sip from his bottle, “Sorry, forget I said anything, I’m an idiot and I don’t want to get Sigyn into trouble.”

“Of course not.” Thor gave his head a small shake, blinking, “Forgive me, I’m not sure what exactly took over me. Perhaps this Earth alcohol is making me a bit tipsy.” 

“Let me know when you get to that point, I can’t feel a damn thing.” 

Thor smiled nervously, trying to patch up whatever had just happened between them. “I’ll have to bring you some Asgardian mead then. If that does not intoxicate you then I’m not sure what will.” 

Steve opened his mouth to say something but then closed it and nodded, “I’d appreciate that, thank you.” He played with the bottle in his hand. “Is Sigyn helping you with the war, then? She mentioned it a few times and then kind of dropped it.”  

Thor cleared his throat. “After we returned to Asgard and discussed such with my father, it was decided that perhaps she should instead dedicate her time to your planet instead.” He frowned, “I did not think she would be upset by such. Is she upset?” 

Steve frowned, “When was the last time the two of you talked? I would think with you visiting Loki now, you’d see her pretty often.” 

“I, well,” Thor stumbled around a few syllables trying not to trip on his tongue, “Perhaps now would be a good time to check in on her and Stark, then.” 

“I’ll come with,” Steve said carefully, trailing behind him, “I need a break from this party anyway.” 

“None of these fair maidens catching your eye?” Thor offered, wondering how much guilt and anxiety it would take to crush one’s chest in as he pressed the button for the lift. 

Steve rolled his eyes as they stepped in. “Only in Stark’s wildest dreams.” 

Thor laughed, trying to cover his dread at the conversation that awaited him, wondering if this was the end of the line for his small deception. 

Loki would be so disappointed. 

 

***

 

“And welcome back to Earth.” 

Sigyn watched as Tony blinked slowly, his eyes adjusting to the now dimmed lights. She was sitting next to him on a fairly comfortable red couch that matched his suits of iron. Or what used to be his suits, Sigyn reminded herself. Stark had retired from the business of saving people. A luxury she couldn’t help but be a bit jealous of at the moment. 

She gingerly leaned forward, looking at his pupils, trying not to wince, the dance with Thor having irritated her injury. 

“You know what year it is, Stark?” 

Tony frowned and slowly reached up to rub his eyes. He didn’t seem to be in any pain, and she had healed a bruised cheek he had injured when he hit the floor. Lucky he hadn’t landed on his nose. “Is that supposed to be a fucking joke? New Years and all?” 

“I thought it was funny.” Sigyn very slowly reached over to the white coffee table beside them to grab him a small glass of water. Tony downed the contents of the cup in one go like it was a shot. “Do you remember why you blacked out?”

“Because I have a perfectly rational fear of aliens attacking Earth and killing us all?” Tony still looked nauseous, the tips of his ears and the tops of his cheekbones red with embarrassment. “I’m going to need a better understanding of what exactly it was you were talking about with...um…” he trailed off, and Sigyn reached over to smooth his shoulders trying to prevent him from hyperventilating again. 

“Tony, you’re safe,” Sigyn soothed, trying to make her voice sound as warm and comforting as possible with just a hint of seidr to enhance the effect, “With the Bifrost restored if anything were to happen like New York again, Asgard would be here to protect you with a snap of Thor’s fingers. And if any of this was going to come back to Earth I would tell you, alright?” 

Tony still looked unsure but his breathing slowly began to return to normal and he let out a cough, staring at Sigyn’s face. “Promise?” 

“I promise.” She attempted a smile, “I’m the trustworthy one, remember? You can rest easy in your retirement, Tony, I have everything handled.” 

Tony let out a small grunt. He slowly tried to sit up again, leaning forward so his elbows were on his knees as he rubbed his face. “And what about you? When are you resting exactly? You look like you haven’t slept in, well, I think a century is the right conversion. Blacking out makes brain not do math good.” 

The corner of her lip curled into a cautious smile, “I’ll rest when I’m dead. Or maybe not. I was still fairly tense the first time around.” 

“No kidding.” Tony sighed, rubbing his hands together, “Seems to me Loki has a martyr as well as a disciple.” 

“Mischief will be so disappointed. He loves being the martyr.” 

Tony gave out a sound that Sigyn could only describe as a small giggle, “You two are funny, you know that? Like fuck the guy, but damn he was hilarious.” 

“He has personality, I’ll give you that.” He was much improved if still unsteady. She rubbed his shoulder watching the color flood back into his face, “Feeling better?” 

Tony nodded slowly, looking determined, “So that guy. Dey, right?” 

Sigyn nodded, “He helped me get information from before. Don’t worry about it. I have everything handled.” 

“Liar.” 

Sigyn couldn’t help but feel a bit taken aback at Tony’s accusation which seemed to come out of nowhere, “Let’s just focus on the party. Have you gone up and done the karaoke machine thing yet? Maybe we could brainstorm ideas for a good song for you. I have a relatively good grasp on the history of Earth’s music.” 

“Sure,” Tony replied with a shrug, “Or we could talk about how you and Horny are doing.” 

Sigyn closed her eyes for a moment, trying once again to armor herself for yet another round of questions, “I thought that maybe tonight would be the one night where the most interesting thing about me wasn’t my intimate connection to Earth’s would-be conqueror. Seems I was wrong.”

“Maybe you just need to talk to everyone some more. People don’t really know what else to bring up.” 

Sigyn opened her mouth to parry with her own response, only to close it, giving him a single nod, “Perhaps. Speaking of which, they are all probably wondering where we are. Even if you don’t feel good enough for the karaoke machine, I’m sure we can play a good few rounds of something fun. Cards? Staying seated is probably best for you.” 

“Sin, come on.” He leaned back, arms open, “Work with me here.” 

She stared at him, “I’m trying to wrap my head around why Tony Stark wants to have a chat. About feelings. Willingly.” 

“Because you’re pulling the same shit I did when I was dying.”

That was not the answer she was expecting. 

“And I know. I suck at this. I really, really suck at this. And if it helps, this is a selfish thing. I don’t want one of the nice aliens standing between me and big bad aliens to suddenly lose it. Especially, did I hear right, you’re going back to Nova Core? Does Thor know about that?”

That answer was a hard no. No one knew besides Dey and Saal and now Tony. Damn J.A.R.V.I.S. telling Tony her location and unlocking the lab. Though she supposed it was technically Tony’s lab.

“I’m not going to lose it. I don’t have that luxury. I’m the one who always has to find it and I’m the one always putting things back together. It’s my job. I appreciate the concern, I really do, Tony. I didn’t think any of you would like me at all after New York so this is more than I could have ever expected.” 

“So why do you want to leave?” Tony looked confused, “I can get Earth. You got stuck here. But Asgard? Point Break and Reindeer Games not enough to keep you there? I thought the whole point of this venture was to save Loki and make evil babies together or something.” 

She paused, thinking her words through for a moment before continuing, “Loki tried to kill himself about a week ago. He was confused, he didn’t know where he was, and he broke a wine glass used the shards to tear up his forearms. I was there in his cell with him for two nights trying to make sure he was stable enough to be left alone again. He isn’t exactly the best confidant at the moment and if he does stabilize I can’t guarantee he’s still going to want whatever it is we have now.”

And there it was. The carefully buried volcano in the pit of her stomach suddenly became active again and she struggled to not just spew everything out, “I can’t talk to Thor anymore. I’m glad he’s started to visit Loki but he never makes the effort to see me afterward. And he spends any free time with Jane now. Which is fine. I’m glad he’s happy. I just wonder if Odin gave him some order I don’t know about not to speak with me.” 

“You really think Thor would be the type to not be friends with someone because his dad told him he couldn’t?” Tony said skeptically his eyes wandering towards the door before locking with hers. 

She bit her lip again, “I don’t know anymore. He just wants Odin’s approval above all else, despite everything Odin has done to his brother. And I’m not sure how much of this fixation on winning Odin’s war has to also do with avoiding being banished again or thrown in a cell like Loki. All I know is that he doesn’t seem to want to talk to me about any of this mess. What is it going to be like when he’s king? What’s going to happen to me if Loki doesn’t recover? If he’s left in his cell forever? I don’t have a place at court anymore.” 

Her breathing was unsteady and she had to take a few deep gulps of air to try to calm back down she just became more frustrated that corners of her eyes began to sting with tears she was struggling to hold back, “So yes. After Loki is stable I am going to go back to Nova Core. Because I know I have a place there. I can fulfill my oath to Asgard and assist Earth by gathering intel without constantly feeling like I’m being split in two. Is that really so selfish? If he gets better, Loki can come with if he wants but...” She trailed off too tired to go down that particular rabbit hole. 

“I did not know.” 

Sigyn’s eyes went wide as she turned around and saw both Thor and Steve in the doorway of the lab.

“I truly did not know,” Thor repeated, staring at her with wide eyes, “Loki tried to kill himself?” 

Sigyn’s face twisted in confusion as she hastily stood from the couch, silently cursing Tony for not telling her about their eavesdroppers, “You visited him. I wrote you all of those reports. How is this news to you?”  

“I...haven’t.” 

Sigyn blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

“I have not visited my brother since I first placed him in his cell. If I had known…” Thor stared at his beer bottle, swirling it though Sigyn could hear that there was no longer any liquid inside, “I do know, by the way, that searching for Odin’s approval is a fool’s errand. But it is what I have known all of my life. It is not an easy habit to break.”

“Hold on. Loki thinks you’ve been visiting him…” Sigyn rubbed her temples, struggling to process what Thor just told her, her mind jumping from one interaction with Loki to the next, “Even when he’s lucid he mentions you visiting him...gods...”  _ How bad was he actually if he had been having full hallucinations of his brother? _

“Maybe the two of you should head back to Asgard,” Steve suggested quietly, “Sounds like you have some stuff to sort out.” 

“Wait a moment,” Sigyn cut in, “I need to know, right now, Thor. Why lie about any of this? Why not just tell me the truth?” 

“Because I did not wish to disappoint you like my brother did,” Thor replied, looking pained like he had taken a leaf out of his brother's book and had shoved broken pieces of glass into his hand. “The truth is I have also been struggling with Loki’s actions, with Thanos, with my father, with everything. The war has been a blessed escape from everything. I truly thought you would be happy watching over Loki until my return. I did not think that you would feel so alone or like I had abandoned you.” 

“Sorry to interrupt.” 

The group turned to see Pepper poking her head into the lab, and a very classy looking Heimdall in a deep purple Midgardian suit behind her, “but your ride is here.” 

“Heimdall, why are you here?” Thor asked, looking confused, “I did not call for you. Unless you could not resist the call of the karaoke machine?”

Thor’s attempt of a joke fell on its face and Sigyn swore she had seen Heimdall less sullen at a funeral.  

“No, my prince you did not.” Heimdall paused, keeping his eyes on Thor. “I am not here for you, I’m here for Lady Sigyn.” 

Sigyn felt her heart freefall into her stomach.  _ Gods, not again _ .

Heimdall swallowed, “Lady Sigyn, I regret to inform you that Loki has escaped.” 

Everything went blank. 

“And I also regret to inform you that you are under arrest for crimes against the crown.” 

“And a Happy New Year,” Tony muttered as Sigyn felt nothing but cool metal and the general sense of being moved from the lab to the elevator, muttering just one thing to herself over and over again: 

_ It doesn’t make any sense…. _

 

***

 

Loki didn’t know where he was. 

All Loki knew was that there was pain. 

He was no stranger to torture: physical, mental, the guilt he carried was an impressive combination of the two if he did say so himself. At the moment, the winner was physical pain as he felt his preferred Asgardian shape being torn from him, ripped from his flesh piece by piece. 

“Brother, please…” 

He could hear Thor’s voice as he curled into himself, his hands curled into fists as he tried not to scream.

“Brother...please...don’t make me do this anymore. Just let go. For all of us. For you.” 

_ Not real. Not real. Not real.  _

But it sure felt real, the feeling of lightning burning through his skin, turning pale white into blue, with raised markings. The markings of a Jotun.  

_ Not real. Not real. Not real.  _

“Brother...please…don’t make  _ her _ see you like this. Why will you not free her, free us?” 

_ It was all in his head. The dream, his skin, the markings. Just wake up. Just wake up.  _

And he did. Loki woke. 

He woke only to find that skin was still on fire and still blue. 

A quick pinch and slap of his arm confirmed that this wasn’t a dream at all as Loki shakily reached up to feel the rough textured horns that had sprouted from his inky locks. 

_ Why did his brain hate him so? Was that purple titan still controlling him? How? No, no, it was probably still his stupid fucking brain that could never fucking work correctly... _

He tried to reach for his preferred form, pretending to be shocked when he found he couldn't change back. 

“Brother.”

Loki turned sharply to see Thor. His Thor. Only...was it Thor…?

“I don’t understand.” 

Surely it was Thor but...why did his brother here look so much like his brother from his nightmares? Thor looked sympathetic but also disgusted with Loki’s form (how could he not?), the rejection burning Loki’s gut just as much as the lightning had seared his skin. 

“You’ll understand, Loki, I promise. You’ll see why a monster like you needs to die. For all our sakes.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm...so what happened with Loki guys? Let me know in the comments...


	6. Tangled Up Knots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the humans are left to wonder the fate of the Asgardians, it's up to Heimdall, Thor, and Sigyn to figure out exactly what happened to Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The chapter y'all have been waiting for...what the hell happened to Loki, well just read on ahead!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone for being so patient with me as I've gotten this out. And thank you for your messages/comments about my stuff. They really do mean the world to me. 
> 
> As always I'm also zombiecheetah on tumblr so if you want to come to my inbox and talk to me about fic stuff, please do! 
> 
> Enjoy!

“So we’re just supposed to trust that Thor is going to be able to get Sigyn out of that mess?” 

“We don’t have much of a choice, Steve,” Tony heard Pepper mutter as he iced his head. The post-arrest headache Tony had was killer after all of the shouting between him, a very aggressive Steve, and Thor. Thank God Sigyn was in the presence of mind to talk Rogers down, otherwise, he would still be clinging to them as they all shot back up to Asgard. Which was an amusing thought experiment on its own. Knowing Rogers, he’d probably try to fight the entire realm. 

“She’s going to be fine, Stars and Stripes,” Tony groaned, sitting up from the couch. They were back in the lab, all agreeing to not say anything to the others until they found out more. “By the sound of it, they all needed to go and figure their crap out before dragging it all back down here. I’m honestly surprised Sigyn told me as much as she did. The woman is usually an iron trap.” 

“Anything about a confession of treason?” Steve grumbled, looking around like he was trying to find something sturdy enough for him to kick, making Tony roll his eyes. 

“Look, I think it just comes down to do we trust Thor? I think after being sent around on that carousel of guilt Sin put him on, he’s going to come through. And if Thor doesn’t, from what Sigyn has told me, Heimdall is kind of flexible when it comes to treason and such.”

“Also,” Pepper raised an eyebrow, “she’s like a thousand years old.”

“Exactly. She can figure this shit out.” 

Tony thought he sounded halfway reasonable but his words just seemed to bounce off Steve, “It just doesn’t make any sense. I mean Thor’s been here pretty much the entire time. Isn’t that good enough?”

Tony watched as a light bulb suddenly appeared over Steve’s head.  

“We can send a video of the party to Asgard, right? At least attempt to give her an alibi?” 

Tony considered his suggestion for a moment, “J.A.R.V.I.S., honey, you wouldn’t happen to remember how Sigyn sent that pretty little video of her boy toy back in May, would you?” 

“As a matter of fact, Sir, I do.” 

“Could you send Thor’s mom all the footage we have of Sigyn from tonight? Probably want to leave Mr. Odinson off the send. Sounds like he and Thor aren’t exactly playing catch in the backyard.”

“I also got that impression, Sir.” 

Steve tossed his bottle up into the air and caught it with his fingertips. 

“Better?” 

Steve shrugged. “Better than nothing.”

He tossed the bottle into the trash can, the glass shattering as it hit the bottom and he walked out the door. Tony made no effort to follow, his brain currently filled with thoughts of dangerous space aliens and how maybe retirement needed to be held off...for a few months at least.

Now all he had to do was tell a very annoyed looking Pep. 

***

The cuffs made Sigyn feel as if she was barely treading deep cold water. Binding spells always felt unpleasant though she was thankful that these particular restraints only went around her wrists, unlike the ones Loki had been outfitted with. Maybe later they could compare notes. 

That is if they ever figured out what happened to him and if he was still alive. Or she supposed if she was alive as well. The price of treason was practically engraved into the executioner’s axe.

“I’m sorry my brother has failed you once again,” Thor said apologetically as they walked. “I shall ensure a fair trial.”

Sigyn couldn’t look at him. “Fair trial still ends with my head on a stick.” 

Heimdall, to her relief, was still up to his same old tricks which was the most reassuring piece of this whole business. Though he had frisked her, he had not taken the small velvet bag filled with the broken Bifrost pieces he had gifted her that she still had under her dress. Not only had she been using them slip in and out of Loki’s cell, but she had been experimenting with traveling to a small handful of other places not so covered in magical wards where she could perhaps bring another person with her...

_ Shame Thor had shut down her idea to take Loki away from this mess.  _

Thor at the very least had dismissed the small number of guards that awaited them on the Bifrost. Sigyn was impressed they followed his order as surely Odin would have been insistent on Thor and Heimdall having further supervision. Or maybe given everything Odin trusted Thor to do his job. Or maybe this was a test. See how dedicated Thor was to his father. A contest Sigyn never wanted to be a part of in the first place as it was generally unwise to place oneself in a contest one was sure to lose. 

“Sin, talk to me,” Thor pleaded as he and Heimdall led her from the Bifrost to the dungeons, a pathway Sigyn could walk in her sleep by now, “We all know this was not you.”  

“But you think somehow it’s Loki? Really?” She turned to Heimdall before Thor could answer, “Did you close off the Bifrost?”

“Indeed, my lady.”

“And you can’t see Loki still.”

“No. He has evaded my sight on several occasions, even when he was in his cell.” Heimdall frowned, “The guards reported him missing with signs of a struggle in his cell. No one saw what happened. I confess I have yet to see the scene myself in person. I can not see him anywhere on Asgard.”   

Sigyn licked her lips, thinking, “Who has clearance to open Loki’s cell? I would think not many given how dangerous he is. Not even his mother can open it.” 

“Two.” 

Heimdall and Sigyn turned to look at a very red-faced Thor, “Myself and the Allfather. That is it.” 

Heimdall continued, his fingers tracing the hilt of his sword, “And that cell has wards all around it, my lady. If you’re thinking an imposter stole Loki, their false appearance would have melted away and guards would have been called as soon as their fingers touched the controls.” 

“Who would wish to break Loki out in the first place?” Thor asked slowly running a nervous hand through his hair, “As much as it pains me to admit such, I can not see Odin paying a ransom for him.”

_ Unless whoever wants him doesn’t want him alive _ , Sigyn thought, trying to ignore the discomfort of the binding cuffs to snap the pieces of this puzzle together.  

“If Thanos had walked in through the front gates of Asgard then I would have seen it,” Heimdall insisted, “Or one of his companions.” 

Sigyn shook her head, “You’ve been distracted transporting troops to and from Asgard. No one could blame you if…” It hit her. “We need to get to that cell. Now.” 

“Why?” Thor asked, “He’s gone.” 

Sigyn raised an eyebrow speaking quickly, “Is he? Or did someone want us to think he escaped? Someone with the power to cast illusions, who could slip in among the returning troops or the prisoners?” She blinked. “Shit…”

“What is it?” Thor asked, “I don’t understand.” 

“Thanos sent someone who wouldn’t need to unlock anything to get to Loki, especially given that Loki’s mind was already broken when he got here. Given the right pressure points…This isn’t a kidnapping, this is an assassination attempt. And they’ve almost succeeded once.”

“I’ll fly ahead,” Thor cut in, already spinning Mjolnir around his hand, “And see that they will not succeed.” 

He was gone before Sigyn could cut in with concerns about the assassin’s abilities in mind manipulation and control, just staring at the light haze of dust Thor had left in his path, unable to speak. At some point, she realized the cuffs had come off and were now in Heimdall’s hand, though the pressure on her chest only lightened slightly. 

“Thank you,” she murmured, hoping her side which still ached could keep it together for this ordeal. “How you’ve done this for so long without running your sword through your eye is beyond me.” 

Heimdall turned to her, his voice gentle, “I can see everything, including the events that have formed the two princes, even before either of their births. The path they are on I can not always stop but at times I can assist in correcting it.” 

“And it never tears you apart?” she asked just as quietly. 

“All the time." He drew his sword, “But it is our job to carry on, not for them, not for ourselves, but so the people of Asgard can sleep well in the evening. Give our people the life we know they should have.” 

Sigyn felt the pressure in her chest lift just enough for her breathe properly. “I’ll run interference from the cell,” she said hastily, “If this is indeed who I think this is, this Ebony Maw character is dangerous but I think I can distract him long enough for you to decorate the floor of the dungeon with his insides. Though I suppose he does possess intel that may be valuable.” 

“Oh do not fret, Lady Sigyn,” Heimdall replied, giving his sword a few warm up swings as he made his way inside, “I would not be so polite as to gift him the sweet release of death.”

That was good enough for her. 

 

***

 

“You know you deserve this.” 

“Just leave me alone,” Loki murmured from the corner of his cell furthest from his brother’s voice, his hands down curled at his sides so he would not have to see the blue of his skin, “Let me rot.” 

“You truly think yourself worthy of such mercy?” Thor laughed, “You truly think I’ll forget your betrayal? That any of us will?” 

“If you have not already you all have been pushing it down admirably,” Loki commented hoarsely, “Sigyn says you hardly speak.” 

“And how long do you think she will still speak to you when she returns and sees this?” Thor asked with a dismissive shrug, “You knew she’d reject you before. That’s why you went to such lengths to hide your secret from her.” Thor shook his head and sighed, looking disappointed, “You fear rejection so much, little brother. You think she’d abandon you. And you know deep down that you are right. I already have. And it was easy. So easy to abandon you.” 

“I’m begging you at this point. Please. Abandon me.” 

“Always one for humor, brother, in the face of pain.” Thor tilted his head, evaluating Loki like a lion evaluates his prey, “You know what else you are? A planner.” 

“If you plan on killing me through compliments please continue.” 

Thor snapped his fingers, gazing at the ceiling in thought, “The last time we played this little game before you tried to take your leave of this realm I know you hid a spare piece of glass in a book. A favorite of yours. One that Sigyn has been asking back now for how many years?” 

“Just add it to the list of disappointments,” Loki muttered into the wall, hitting his forehead against it. “I’m sure she could paper the walls of her room with them.”

Thor nodded in agreement, “Fetch it, won’t you brother?”  

Loki found himself being unable to do anything but nod as he slowly got to his feet and shuffled over to his nightstand, picking up the book in question and sure enough, as he opened it there lay a single jagged shard of glass from the last time he had tried to do accomplish this particular task. 

“No mistakes this time,” Thor insisted, glancing around the dungeon, “The quicker this is done the quicker we can all move on.” 

“Speak for yourself.” 

A hammer went straight into Thor’s chest, making him crash into the ground. Loki’s real blonde brother, in Midgardian clothing of all things, came up to the side of the cell. “Loki. Stop. Please. Put the glass down.” 

Loki plucked the makeshift weapon from the worn pages, allowing the book to tumble to the floor. He turned the piece of glass in his hand, staring at his blue palm through it, “Stop what, exactly, brother?” 

“This thing has told you lie upon lie upon lie,” Thor replied shaking his head, Loki wondering just how disgusted his brother was at his form, “None of them are true.”

“Not a single one?” Loki tilted his head, evaluating his brother carefully. Surely this version of his brother was real. His presence here was somehow a hundred times worse than the fake Thor’s had ever been, “You mean you did not abandon me in this cell? Or lie to Sigyn about your nonexistent visits?” Loki shook his head, clicking his tongue, “It’s true, the thing did lie to me. To the point of desperation. But there are some things he said that aren’t lies at all, are they?” The guilt on his brother’s face caused a sudden influx of rage to flood his chest, “Aren’t they, brother?” 

“Loki.” 

Loki froze upon hearing his name, slowly turning to see Sigyn next to him, disheveled but alive, standing with him in his cell. “Don’t do this.” 

He smiled weakly, tears pricking the sides of his eyes. Her voice was kind and smooth as always, her face only displaying deep desperate concern. Concern for Loki the Aesir, surely not the horrid creature in front of her, “You do not wish to see this monster in front of you dead and gone? Sweet of you to care so much for my well being.”

“I’m past that. You hate pity anyway. I’m being utterly selfish at this point.” 

He peered at her, confused, “Explain.” 

Sigyn stepped between the line of sight between Loki and his unreal brother. The real Thor looked very confused as to how Sigyn got into his cell. “How did you get clearance?” 

She ignored him, instead she stared intensely at Loki, “Do you really think I went through the trouble of getting you back because I enjoyed living without you all this time? Not just this year, but the all of those years I was stuck on Earth?” 

“We all have our weaknesses,” Loki replied quietly, weaving the glass over and under his fingers, “This thing seemed to have thoroughly dissected mine.” His smile was as fake as the Thor currently squirming under Mjolnir, “I can’t change back at the moment. Simply touching me could hurt you.”

“We’re kind of late on the avoiding hurting me point, Mischief,” Sigyn replied dryly, and before Loki could stop her, her hand was on his glass free one that was hanging limply by his side. He glanced down in horror and tried to tug his hand away from her mysteriously undamaged one. 

Undamaged. 

Loki stopped tugging his arm and stared at their hands. Her skin was warmer than usual against his, perhaps, but otherwise, she seemed to be just fine. “How?” 

“I tinkered with some spell work that year you were in the void,” she replied quietly, “I knew if I found you alive that a conversation like this would probably occur.” 

He choked out a laugh that sounded like a cry, “Am I really that obvious?” 

“Yes, yes you are.” She was almost smiling for a moment and then her face crumpled as she squeezed his hand, “If after everything I’ve done, there shouldn’t be shred of doubt in your mind about my devotion to you, Mischief,” She held out her free hand for the glass, “and I believe I have sacrificed myself on your altar long enough to prove that.” 

He slowly pressed the flat of the glass into her palm, examining once again how the brush of his fingers didn’t turn her fingers to ice, before staring at her, speechless. What could he say, truly?

Sigyn mercifully took his silence as an answer as she nodded, turning to the real Thor, “I don’t have clearance and I can only take myself in or out of this cell. You need to let us out. Who knows who else slipped into Asgard and what they’ll try next.” 

Thor’s fingers danced over the controls, the field staying put. “We know now. We can add protection. Perhaps one or two of the warriors can be his personal guard.”

“Thor, come on.” Sigyn let go of Loki’s fingers and squatted down near Thor, “Be reasonable. Loki can’t stay here and you know it.”

“I should talk to my father…” Thor played with the controls some more, looking pained, “You wouldn’t understand.”

Their arguing began to become hazy in Loki’s head, his attention suddenly being turned back to his fake brother. The man wearing his brother’s squirming under Mjolnir was grinning before his disguise melted into the ground and the squished pale face that remained gave Loki a wink.

_ I know who you are.  _

Loki wasn’t exactly sure what happened, but it suddenly felt as if his entire body was on fire, him falling to the ground, clutching his head where it felt as if it was being pulled open. There was some shouting, some clanging, more screaming and more pain. _Gods_ , there was a lot of pain. 

Which made Loki grateful when everything turned black. 


	7. King of Sinful Sots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wakes from his nightmare and into something far more terrifying: reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter which is already fairly long I have now split into two. So much to wrap up, so little time. 
> 
> Thank you again for all of your comments, kudos and shares. I appreciate every single one of them. 
> 
> Enjoy!

He could hear water. 

Salt. Cool breeze.

Loki slowly opened his eyes, only seeing blue and in the corner of his eye a familiar shade of red. His head felt like it had been beaten in with a fairly large rock and there was a numb kind of paralysis present throughout his body, that felt extraordinary after all the pain. 

“Hey,” he heard Sigyn’s voice floating somewhere behind him, “You’re okay, Mischief, go back to sleep.” 

His eyelids were too heavy for him to disobey. 

Loki remembered waking up a few more times to eat perhaps? Or not. Everything was so hazy and sleep was just...he had missed sleep. Sweet dreamless sleep free from nightmares. Once or twice he could hear the deep tones of his brother’s voice, the roll of his words free from fearful manipulations and calls for his death and instead soothed him back to sleep. 

When Loki woke properly again the numbness was gone, replaced by a deep ache that was bearable, even if his joints were stiff as a board. He slowly turned his head to take in a proper look at his surroundings. The room he was in was large, covered in shiplap and painted a pleasant worn blue. His bed was outrageously comfortable with a large fluffy comforter and he was warm and clean. 

_ This has to be a trick. _

Loki’s eyes slowly skimmed their way down to his hand. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he saw his skin had returned to its normal, more Aesir color. He opened and closed his hand, testing his grip. Weak, but his hands shook less than they had in prison. 

Sigyn wasn’t with him, nor was Thor. Slowly but surely , Loki sat up, trying to keep the dizziness to a minimum. A rub of his temple made him wince as his skull was sore to the touch, making him wonder if Sigyn had given him something for the pain. His curiosity of his surroundings overtook the brittleness of his health and so he slowly made his way out of bed, clutching the worn wood of the walls for support as he left the warm comforts of his room.

He was in a house, he figured, with high ceilings and windows everywhere that allowed the entire place to be completely illuminated in soft warm light. His room was one of a handful in a hallway that led out to a living area with soft looking couches and pillows, and a good sized fireplace as well.

As he entered the main living space, Loki felt deep grooves on the doorframe under his fingertips. A set of two columns, he observed, one that went much higher than the other, marked with an S, the other labeled with what looked like a fish. There were some dates as well, some of them more worn than others. 

A glance at the half-full teacup on the coffee table confirmed that Sigyn was around at least. The house, like her room in Asgard, was impeccably clean and she did not have a habit of leaving dishes around. Taking a breath he pushed himself from the wall to the couch, barely catching the back of it, his feet like snakes that just wanted to wriggle away from him. 

Pulling himself around to the side he collapsed into the soft cushions and pillows the ache in his bones beginning to grow into something fairly uncomfortable. Probably was best to wait for Sin to return as he was not interested in how his body felt without her assistance with pain management.

He took a moment to stare up at the ceiling and further ponder where he was. Surely, he wasn’t on Asgard. The air felt different, lighter, cleaner. The water outside his room was turquoise, not the smoky blue he was used to. Midgard maybe? For all his sins against the realm, Sigyn was now probably an admired hero of it. Funny how after all his efforts she had been able to accomplish what he had set out to be simply by attempting to fix his mistakes. 

He was suddenly hit with the memory of them on Asgard, his slow suggestion that she could be more than just a healer on Asgard. 

_ I  _ **_like_ ** _ being just a healer on Asgard.  _

Loki closed his eyes. This wasn’t exactly what he had pictured. Sigyn was just so sweet and talented and patient that he had thought her talents would lend themselves perfectly to being queen. She could finally reform their healing training programs, spend some much needed time on Asgard with friends she had been separated from for too long. But now she was here in a perfectly pleasant exile with him. 

_ With a Jotun.  _

What a sad prize for all her efforts. He quietly thanked the Norns that he hadn’t impregnated her with a monster like him. Hopefully, once he was healed, he could make a clean break. Her acceptance of him was touching but not enough to overcome the overwhelming guilt he felt in still wanting her. He’d already hurt her emotionally. Physically too as it had been him had it not that had brought the army that had nearly killed her? She had said nothing but he suspected by the way she stood and sat and favored her side that the wound had yet to fully heal. 

Loki’s thoughts were rudely interrupted by a distant hum. The noise slowly grew into a buzz and then a growl, every hair on his neck standing at attention as he identified the sound of the noise. 

It was a ship. 

He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t feel his hands as he fumbled with the pillows and ducked down behind the couch. It was obvious who had come for him. 

And he’d rather be dead than go back. 

 

***

 

“Your father means well.” 

It took Thor every fiber of his being not to roll his eyes at his mother as they toured the gardens together. Frigga paused to take in a particularly beautiful orange and yellow flower. “You did the right thing. I am proud of you.” 

“Had I done the right thing sooner, I would have made Sigyn’s job much easier,” Thor muttered, balling his free hand into his fist, “I am fortunate father was more upset at Maw’s death than my part in sending my brother away.” 

“Maw told us enough in death. His life was no longer necessary,” Frigga replied coolly as she bent down and felt the petals with her fingertips, “Though perhaps I’m being sentimental in my desire to not see my son tortured.” 

Thor swallowed hard, “You are a far better mother than I have been a brother to either Loki or Sigyn.” 

“You never came to me with your feelings on Loki until after this particular incident, so perhaps my mothering also could use some improvement.” She stood straight and looked up at Thor, “You are angry with me and your father with what happened with Loki.” 

Thor stared at the ground, “It is not my place to question your intentions.”

“Perhaps not.” Frigga tilted her head, “Do so anyway.” 

Thor gave her a half smile, “You are not afraid of a challenge.” 

“I’m married to your father,” Frigga said with a twinkle in her eye, “I could not afford to be.” 

Thor nodded as his smile faded and they continued their slow pace around the blossoms. “At first when Loki arrived on Earth I thought it was a personal attack against myself. Against Jane, whom he threatened to harm in his anguish on the Bifrost. But I have come to understand that he is simply in a state of deep despair. Because of how he was raised he now has no other understanding of the Jotun except as enemies of Asgard. Lesser than the Aesir. Opinions I not only have shared but...” He trailed off, remembering the fight that had gotten him sent to Earth in the first place.   

“If there is one good thing to come of this incident, it’s that your brother is finally somewhere he can heal properly,” Frigga soothed, “Plenty of time to assure him of his place here with us. As your brother and as my son.” 

“And what of Father?” Thor asked quietly, “After all this, how can he expect Loki to forgive him?”

Frigga stood a bit straighter, “Once Loki is convinced of his placement with us, it will ease the tension between him and Odin. And I believe after this incident your father is more willing to make peace. The knowledge that such evil escaped not just Heimdall’s sight but your father’s was certainly embarrassing for him.”

And with his own absence, Thor thought, he had basically laid out the welcome mat for this evil to come in and hurt his brother. The guilt still stung, the look of betrayal on Sigyn’s face still fresh in his mind. 

_ I did not know.  _ Whose fault was that? 

Frigga seemed to read his thoughts, “How is Sigyn?”

Thor shrugged, “Attentive to my brother as usual. She claims to have forgiven both him and me.” 

“Knowing her, I am sure she has. She has always had a good heart.” 

“A heart I can not help but feel has been taken advantage of,” Thor replied carefully, “You basically handpicked her as a companion for my brother, did you not?”

“I thought they would get along,” Frigga said far too innocently, “You make friends so easily, Thor, your brother just needed a helping hand. In fact, I think he still needs one now. More than ever.” 

“And how far are we willing to stretch Sigyn’s limits? The woman looks like she hasn’t slept in a fortnight.” 

“Well,” Frigga said as they walked on, “She does not need to be your brother’s only helping hand now, does she?”

Thor bit his tongue as they walked on. His mother was right. He had been neglectful and allowed the burden of his brother to fall upon everyone else’s shoulders but his own. And though he knew his parents meant well enough, they were truly blind to the heartache Thor knew they had caused their adopted son. 

If a darker version of him had invaded his brother’s mind to kill him, it only seemed right for Thor now to be the one to push him to live. And maybe if he was lucky, fix a broken promise or two while he was at it. 

  
  


***

 

Loki was too weak to make it to the very warm and inviting kitchen where he could see the knives teasing him. If Thanos was truly returning for him, might as well fall into old habits. 

He squeezed his eyes shut as the ship landed, only for them to fly open again. 

_ Sigyn.  _

She had no idea what she was up against. And if only he had the damn strength. 

He suddenly heard her shouting but...she at least didn’t sound distressed. What in the Nine was going on?  

The sudden shock to his system gave him enough energy to pull himself up to peer out the window at the ship that had landed. 

It was a small craft, meant for only a few people. It seemed familiar but he just couldn’t place where he had seen it before. He caught sight of Sigyn, her dark waves whipping through the breeze as she made her way towards the spacecraft.

She was tense but wasn’t she always these days, he thought as he pulled himself up with another strained huff and stumbled towards the door, prying it open. Walking was slowly becoming easier. Slowly. Too slowly. 

Loki blinked as the breeze hit his face. The wind was cool, the sun was bright, the sand that was lightly sprinkled on the deck finely milled. He sunk down into the porch swing and watched as the hatch door opened, revealing an annoying familiar blonde man that made Loki blink twice, pinch himself and then pinch himself again. 

_ What the Hel was Steve fucking Rogers doing here? Flying a spaceship? What kind of pain medication did Sigyn drug him with?  _

He couldn’t help but glance around to make sure there was no sign of some evil version of his brother. A part of him hoped that he made an appearance. This was all too odd, too uncomfortably close for comfort. How long had he been out of it anyway? They had no such spacecraft on Earth that he was aware of. 

His stomach continued to drop as it slowly dawned on him that this was indeed real. That the soldier disembarking the spacecraft was, in fact, the Man Out of Time, shaking his head and greeting Sigyn with a nauseating ruggish smile. Loki couldn’t hear what they were saying, just that they seemed at ease with each other, though the expression on Sigyn’s face never quite matched the carefree lie the entity had shown him. In some ways, Loki thought, his stomach continuing its slow descent down, the carefree Sigyn of his nightmares could never appear, especially given the Hel he had placed her through during the past few years. 

Loki waited for their conversation to end, Steve disappearing into a beam of light (Heimdall’s work probably) leaving Sigyn to stand on the beach alone. Her forced smile crumpled into unmistakable heartache as she turned and started walking in the opposite direction of the ship down the shoreline. 

This was it. It was his opportunity. He could be gone and off this planet soon enough. Once again trying to summon what little strength he had, Loki shakily stood up, took a gulp of air and started to stumble towards the spaceship. 

 

*** 

 

A cafe on Xandar didn’t seem to be the most appropriate place to meet a deadly assassin but to be fair, Steve Rogers didn’t know if this day could get any weirder. 

He was happy to see Sigyn alive, and in a moment of what Tony had called “star-spangled wholesome goodness” had offered to help in any way he could. 

This was not what he had expected. 

Frankly, he was a bit worried that getting behind the wheel of any plane type vehicle would set off a chain reaction of emotions and memories of him diving head first into ice cold water. But Sigyn had made learning the controls fun, and space was...well it was gorgeous. 

“You have five minutes,” he heard a cool female voice behind him, her circling around to sit in the chair across from him. She was green alright, and looked exactly like her picture. Apparently, that didn’t always happen, given Clint’s insistence that they watch _ Catfish _ for “an education on the dangers of 21st-century dating.” 

“My friend told me I had ten with you,” Steve replied smoothly.

“Plans change.” Her dark eyes were carefully evaluating him, “Xandar isn’t exactly my scene.” 

“Mine either,” he replied, gesturing to the purple cup in front of him. “I think I prefer the coffee on Earth.” 

Gamora shrugged. “You’re lucky Earth still has coffee.” 

“Heard about that bit of trouble, huh?” Steve leaned forward, rubbing the palms of his hands together, “Luckily we had some help.” 

“Luckily you had enough Asgardians on your side to make a difference.” Gamora tilted her head, “Didn’t think they usually sent Terrans to do their dirty work.” 

“I’d hardly call getting coffee with a gal like yourself dirty work,” Steve retorted playfully, “And she’s not like that. My friend.”

Gamora didn’t seem impressed. “They never say they are. But she’s the first to offer an opportunity to prove she isn’t. So what do you have for me in our remaining three minutes?”

Steve sighed. “Look. I just kind of got looped into this. Earth doesn’t even have space travel yet. But I think it’s fair to say that army we defeated isn’t going to be the only attack from space Earth’s going to face, right? 

Her expression and voice were strained in her reply. “You have no idea.” 

“I don’t.” Steve dropped his voice, “But I know what it’s like to want to get out of somewhere you don’t want to be.” 

That caught her attention. Gamora paused, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms, “What does your friend want?”

“Right now? Information. Later? If you get an opportunity, to take it.” He pulled a piece of paper out from his sleeve and slid it over to her, “I’m told this person can make a trade. Give you the financial ability to get out and stay out if you want to.” 

The right side of her lip curled into a bitter smile, “She wants me to stay and fight?” 

“She wants you to keep your head down and as naive and cheesy as it sounds, stay safe if at all possible. She’s already putting one person’s brain back together, I think two would be a little much at the moment.”

“The failed Jotun,” Gamora said quietly, looking distant for a moment, “Fath….He’s not happy with his performance.” 

“I heard.” Steve shrugged, “He gave us a good fight but I don’t think his heart was really in it.” 

“He’s lucky if he walked away with one.” She placed her hand over the paper, glanced over the information on it and pushed it back, standing, “Your friend’s requested information is already on your ship. It’s very ugly.” 

“But it’s a ship,” Steve countered smoothly, “Sometimes you just have to make the best of your circumstances.” 

Gamora stared at him for one more moment, giving him a single nod before disappearing into the crowded street. 

 

***

 

The Asgardians were not exactly known for their spaceships. 

Why would they be? They had no need for them, though perhaps the broken Bifrost was enough to stimulate a different general opinion. Only reason Sigyn had one of these contraptions in the first place, he finally remembered, was because her grandfather built them for Odin before they were deemed unnecessary for their army.

The ship itself was old but sturdy, with more than a few new parts. Perhaps a treat from the Nova Core from her time working with them, Loki thought as he pulled himself into what looked like the captain’s chair and glanced over the controls. 

Even with his formal expensive princely education, he still struggled to remember just how to fly such a machine. It couldn’t be that hard, could it? Surely it had autopilot. He just had to figure out a location. Something on the opposite side of the universe from Sanctuary would be a good start. What was the fuel situation like anyway? 

It took him a moment to find the appropriate gauge, pleased to see that the ever chivalrous soldier had apparently filled the tank. 

Taking a deep breath , he stared out the window. The water was a deep turquoise with hints of indigo and just looked so blissfully calm. For a moment, Loki was tempted to stay. Surely he couldn’t hurt anyone any further than he already had, right? 

But his fingers went ahead and started flipping switches and pressing buttons, praying to the horizon that he was selecting them in the right order. As soon as the engine rattled to life he took a deep breath, took the smooth controls under his shaking hands…

The ship didn’t move. 

The ship instead made a horrendous noise that sounded something between an unoiled clock gear and a bilgesnipe in heat, one that made Loki shudder, trying to press some button to stop it. 

He didn’t start becoming frustrated until a particular switch made the damn noise louder. 

“Damn ship. Such a pedestrian vehicle,” he muttered under his breath weakly banging his fist on the control panel. His eyes suddenly widened as another smaller hand came into view, smoothly flipping three switches and pressing a button, killing both the noise and the engine. 

“Next time, Mischief, you may want to switch off the parking brake.” 

He didn’t turn around to look at her over his shoulder. The false cheer she continued with broke him apart as she continued to point out the controls. 

“So you want to switch this off first and then click this and this and then turn on the engine.” Waving her hand over the display, Sigyn brought several bright purple holographic screens to life, pulling them in and out of the space around them. “Navigation and autopilot with route plotting. She’ll even land for you if you ask nicely enough.” 

“Sin, I…”

“I’ve already marked off unsafe places to fuel up. So depending on your mood you can either avoid them or take a tour. Music and entertainment here. Mostly from Earth, apologies. Calls can be made or accepted here. Rations will last a few months if you’re careful. Credits are good not great so just take some care with spending if you have to. What else?” 

She gave a small hum in the back of her throat, before finishing softly with, “Don’t break her if you can. Saal had to help me with several pieces and I’m not sure how successful I’d be at replicating his work. I think that’s it.” 

He watched her out of the corner of his eye, her fingers dancing along the back of the chair next to him. 

“Is this goodbye then?” she whispered, her voice barely audible from the dying whirl of the engines, the false optimism replaced with the acceptance of yet another crushing disappointment. Him. He was the crushing disappointment. 

Loki swallowed struggling to keep his resolve, closing his eyes momentarily as he answered much too loudly, “It’s for the best. For everyone.” 

All he heard was her breathing, slow but shallow, like a proper breath would cause her unbearable discomfort. Her tone, however, returning to that false optimism. 

“Sure you can’t stay for dinner? Let me try to get you back to a place where you can walk properly without falling over?”

“Don’t.” 

The reaction was knee-jerk and created a swift breeze of uncomfortable silence between them. Sigyn was completely still as she asked, “Don’t what?” 

“Try to get me to stay.” He was struggling to sound sure of himself, his voice coarser than the sand he had just crossed to get to the ship, “You dance the same waltz with your patients when they try to leave the infirmary too early. Tell them to stay just a moment longer with a promise that they can go after. And none of them do.” 

“Are you accusing me of witchcraft?” she asked lightly, the joke annoying him more than pacifying him. 

“I am accusing you of manipulation,” he muttered, “A rare crime for you. But given you’re my jailer now as well as my healer-” 

“I’m not keeping anyone here against their will,” Sigyn clarified firmly, raising her hands, “I’m simply advising you as my patient that leaving in your state may not be the wisest of choices. Where are you even going to go?” 

He shrugged, “Depends. I’ll figure it out. Besides, I wouldn’t tell you anyway. The less information about me you have the better.”

Sigyn sounded amused and a glance at her made his chest feel like it was being crushed by a boulder.“You don’t think it’s a little late for that?” she asked.

Loki cleared his throat, setting his eyes back on the goal. “I can try.”

She gave a single nod, the following silence between them unbearable and so he attempted to fill it again.

“I can’t stay,” he murmured as he tried to turn to face her better, “This has nothing to do with you. You’ve been...sublime. Your compassion unmatched and of which I am totally undeserving. But I’d like for us to part on better terms than before. So you can move on. Find someone worthy of your time.” 

His little speech was unconvincing and he knew it. She looked like she was struggling not to cry as she forced a chuckle, “Judging by what you talked about in your sleep, I’m already having a passionate affair with Steve Rogers.” 

Loki cleared his throat, speaking hastily, “The entity enjoyed tormenting me with images of you and him in various compromising positions.”

Sigyn’s face was a journey of amusement and confusion before she briefly attempted to shake the cursed image out of her head, “I’m not sure Steve knows of any compromising positions.”

He couldn’t help but smile at that before asking, “Why was he here in the first place?”

“Just running an errand for me,” Sigyn replied crossing her arms over her chest, “I needed to stay here with you and Thor was busy so he volunteered to go.”

Loki peered at her, “What kind of errand calls for a ship rather than Heimdall’s talents?” 

“I thought you were leaving,” she said almost teasingly. 

“I am…” He slowly looked back at the controls before turning back to her shakily attempting to stand, “It’s for the best, Sin, it is. 

She bit her lip and stared at the ground, “Are you really going to let a bad year and a half define hundreds of happy ones?” 

“It was quite the year and a half,” Loki commented, trying not to trip over his feet as he closed the space between them, “One that I know caused you great pain and suffering.” 

“Leaving won’t help that.” 

The pure genuine conviction of her statement made his heart tumble out of its current living space in his stomach and land on the ground with a splat, “How do you know I won’t just make it worse by staying?” he whispered. 

“If you leave how can you make things better?”

Loki opened his mouth to reply, and then closed it, realizing she was trembling, her breathing labored, the warmth draining from her face. “Are you ill?” 

“I’m fine,” she said quickly, in a voice that suggested otherwise, “Apologies, I just, well…” she swallowed, her eyes fixed on the rather pristine floor of the ship, “I just don’t know what else to do or say to convince you I want you here.” 

“Sin, you have so many more options. Better options.”  _ Aesir options. _

She held herself tighter like she was trying to somehow control her trembling, “Choosing you wouldn’t mean anything if I didn’t have other choices. I would think given your lack of choices this past year and a half or so you’d understand.” 

Loki squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, letting out a small sigh, fighting back a few memories that made his lack of choice explicitly clear as Sigyn continued, “Of course I want you to choose to stay here. For now, I’ll settle for getting you back into a bed. You’re weak, you have barely eaten, and I’m still piecing your brain back together after that thing tried to rip it apart.” 

Loki tried to think back to that day in his cell, struggling to remember the events that followed after the creature had attempted to lay waste to his brain. “What happened to Maw?” he muttered, suddenly feeling very lightheaded as he clutched the chair he had been sitting in for support. 

“Dead,” she replied, “Heimdall was glad to do the honors.” 

“I’m sure he...was…” The lights of the ship were suddenly unbearably bright and Sigyn’s face suddenly turned into a million tiny dots as he once again tripped and fell into the dark. 


	8. Soul Full of Gunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor makes a visit to his brother with a challenge and a promise as Loki attempts to piece his relationships back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU so much to everyone for reading. I hope you enjoy this last chapter (and that it was somewhat worth all the pain?)

_ Just go to the ship and take off you stupid sentimental git.  _

Loki felt much more improved after waking up again in his bed, though his resolve to leave was now floundering like a fish. The turmoil of leaving but also hurting Sigyn further made him want to cast himself out of his bed and drown himself in the water.

“How are you feeling, brother?”

Loki groaned at the sound of the soft roll of Thor’s voice at the door frame as he slowly sat up and rubbed his still aching head,  “I’ve certainly been worse.”

“I know you have,” Thor said, sounding fairly amused as he sat down in the chair next to his brother’s bed, “Apparently, you attempted to commandeer Sigyn’s ship.”

Loki groaned in response, making Thor chuckle. “I suggested she should get a lock for the hatch.”

“Such transportation is beneath me anyway,” Loki replied, slowly sitting up and rubbing his neck, “How long have I been out this time? Actually, hang on, how long ago was Maw, exactly?”

“The incident in your cell, a few weeks ago. Your attempt at a new life of ship stealing, only a day.” Thor leaned forward, so his elbows were on his knees, rubbing his hands together, “I told Sigyn to try to sleep and that if you tried to leave again I’d sit Mjolnir on your chest.”

“Would it really be so bad if I left?” Loki grumbled, “I can’t believe that there are many on Asgard clamoring for my restoration.” 

“I think you’d be surprised. Fandral asks after you every day. He’d like to visit if you’ll allow it.” 

Loki rolled his eyes. “He just wants my cock.” 

“Not just, brother,” Thor’s voice turned more serious. “Besides, if you left, Sigyn would be in a tough spot once again. For a moment there, she very nearly ended up in a cell herself when we thought you escaped.” 

_Fuck._ Loki had forgotten all about the insipid arrangement Odin had insisted upon binding Sigyn to. He rubbed his eyes, surprised at just how...solid he felt. Like the day before had just been a fever dream. “She’s done too much for me already,” he murmured, testing his grip again, finding himself able to make and keep a fist, definitely not thinking of what it must have been like for her to be dragged off in a similar fashion to him. He glanced up at Thor, “You seem to be dealing with this mess with relative ease.” 

Thor forced a laugh, “Ease? Not at all. I have been a poor brother to both you and Sigyn and,” he paused, twisting his hands together, “I hope you can forgive me.”

The irony of Thor thinking  _ he _ was the poor brother was so incredibly ridiculous it drew a smile from Loki, “I can hardly blame you. I did try to kill you a few times there.”

“As you often do.” His brother’s smile was so heartbreakingly warm and kind, it was difficult for Loki not to melt into a puddle at the sight of it, “You must know, Loki, what you are does not matter to me. You are still my brother.” Thor reached over to pat his arm, “Sigyn gifted me with a similar modification to her own so I could safely bring you here in the first place.” 

“As much as I may appreciate the sentiment,” Loki quickly replied, his lips curling around the last ‘ — ent’, “I doubt that any of you wish for the burden of a Jotun to sully your reputation.” 

“There would be no greater honor,” Thor murmured, “I just need you to get better. For me. Return to Asgard as my brother.” 

Loki let out a low cough, trying to shake the chills his brother’s words had sent straight up his spine. “Is that the plan then? Get better, come back to Asgard, make nice with Odin, unbind Sigyn’s fate from my own and release her from me, and make everything go back to normal?” 

His brother raised an eyebrow, “I thought you were quite set on making Sigyn your wife, even after New York.” 

Loki grimaced. “I like her well enough to make sure she’s not bound to a Jotun for the rest of her life. If anyone deserves the mercy of another partner other than me then surely it’s her.” 

“I have to agree that you’re hardly deserving of her,” Thor teased, making Loki grumble and make a sad attempt at slapping his brother’s arm, “But even if you choose to end your romantic attachment, I know Sigyn deeply misses her friend.” 

Loki had to double check that Thor, in fact, had not sat his damn hammer on his chest. “Her friend who betrayed her trust,” he said quietly, picking at his hands. 

“You betrayed all of our trust,” Thor replied solemnly, “I’d like to think you’re the kind of man who would put every effort into earning it back.” 

_ Fucking Hel. _ Loki peered at his brother, hating the fact that he was making so much damn sense. And unlike the darker version of his brother that had haunted his dreams, Thor was suggesting something much harder than just splitting his skin open. 

“A better man than Odin you mean,” Loki muttered in a hopeless attempt to shrug off Thor’s challenge.

“If being better than him is what will motivate you, sure.” Thor gave Loki’s shoulder a firm pat as he stood from his chair, “Get some rest, little brother. Think things over. I’ll be back soon as I can.”

“I suppose the days of you leaving me be are done and gone,” Loki suggested far too hopefully than he meant to as he settled back into the pillows, his mind already beginning to race with ways he could perhaps attempt to at least start fixing this mess. 

“They are, brother,” Thor said with a determined nod as he turned to leave, “I’m afraid they are.” 

 

***

 

Sigyn had learned a very long time ago to set her expectations as low as they could possibly go, to the point of non-existence. 

Growing up she unlearned as many as possible, especially after her grandfather moved in. She had quickly learned her house was no longer safe and made her room a shelter, to the point of growing her own food in her windowsill. She learned that this safehouse on this secret moon her mother often brought her to was only a reprieve until their certain return to Asgard and her father. 

And that was only touching upon a few that had been broken long ago, the more recent ones shoved down with the rest of her more volcanic emotions. 

Which was why when she woke up one morning to the smell of smoke, she remained perfectly calm as she went to investigate the source, fully anticipating her childhood safehouse to be halfway burned to the ground. 

What Sigyn found instead was a floundering God of Mischief and a blackened stove top. There were pans everywhere and the smell was...well...she could only smell ash. 

“Loki?” 

“Apologies,” he grumbled, fumbling with the knobs on the stove as smoke filled the kitchen, “This blasted machine of yours seems to be inoperable.” 

She glanced over her patient's work, wondering why certain pans were sharing burners, “Were you...attempting to cook?”

“I was hungry, and as a master alchemist, this shouldn’t have been that difficult,” Loki continued, his face red from heat and embarrassment, “I’d sincerely appreciate you never mentioning this incident ever again.”

“Not sure I can let you off that easily,” Sigyn commented, raising an eyebrow as Loki managed to turn everything off, “What were you trying to make exactly?”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said briskly, “Fucking things up seems to be my specialty. Not sure why I expected this to go any differently.” 

“You know you can wake me up if you need something,” Sigyn replied lightly, purposefully leaving that loaded pistol of a statement alone. It only took a softly glowing hand of hers to clear the smoke from the area and with it the majority of the smell. 

“The point of all this was to not wake you.” Loki gave her a weak smile, “When was the last time you got a full night’s sleep?” 

Sigyn was surprised at the familiarity of his question, a staple of the Loki she knew. The man sure knew how to fuss. “I’ve heard of the concept in legends older than us. But you’re  _ my  _ patient, Mischief, not the other way around.” 

A quick scan of him with another wave of her hand surprised even her. The technique Steve had brought her from the titan’s daughter to heal Loki had worked almost too well. He wasn’t shaking and was breathing normally, his eyes were clear and his complexion restored of what little color it usually held. The fact that he was hungry was good, Loki barely ate as it was. Sigyn could still detect some weaknesses, he definitely still needed some time to heal, but he was well on his way to a full recovery. 

Loki raised an eyebrow, “As you can see, I’ve made quite the miraculous improvement thanks to your extraordinary talents. Making you now the more injured person here.”

Before she could give a retort he leaned over and gave her injured side a small gentle tap, the contact still feeling like he had slid a needle into the scar tissue. She bit back a sound of pain as he continued, “What happened to the month off to properly heal this injury my brother told me you were getting?”

Sigyn took a shaky breath, “I was required elsewhere.” 

Loki frowned at her reaction, “For a healer, you sure are a horrible patient. This should not be causing you this much pain, even with your healing defect. Perhaps you need another’s seidr to assist you again.” 

“It’s improving,” she said quickly, making a conscious effort to stabilize her breathing. Sigyn wasn’t going to lie and say that she didn’t miss his attentiveness, but what she couldn’t take was the thought of her getting attached and hopefully only for him to leave again. The raw memory from the day before made her stand straight and take a few steps away from him. “I thought you were leaving soon, anyhow.”

Loki winced at the memory, his green-blue eyes filled with guilt, “Forgive me, I was...not in my right mind. Thor rightfully called me coward for my earlier attempt at thievery.” 

“It’s alright.” She tapped the cool marble of the kitchen island, “I’d rather you be honest with me than try to force yourself to stay. I’ll understand.” 

“Sin…” He cautiously moved closer to her and reached for her hand with both of his own. Sigyn allowed him to take it, his fingertips smoothing over the flat of her palm as he massaged her fingers. “I was not lying when I said I did not wish to burden you any longer with me. I’m hardly worthy of your noble efforts,” he murmured. “I did not stop to consider that by leaving I’d be robbing you of something you needed from me in return. And though I doubt I’ll ever truly make things right...I do want to try. You deserve at least that.”  

Sigyn bit the inside of her cheek. It all sounded too good to be true, too far off from the shaking man begging to take her ship away from this place for her to believe him, “I don’t want you to force some untrue feeling from yourself in order to try to please me in an attempt to repay me. If your feelings have changed about us, I’ll understand. I just want you to be honest with me.”  

Loki frowned further in confusion, “Sin, my feelings for you may be the only honest thing about me.” 

It was like sorcery how those words from him resurrected the long-dead butterflies in her stomach when she looked at him. He leaned forward and kissed her softly, intertwining his fingers with hers with one hand, the other cupping her face. The kiss was sweet and gentle, strangely chaste for the pair of them, and lit a fire in her gut that wanted just a little bit more. When he began to pull back she pulled him back in, opening her mouth as an invitation he cautiously took, his tongue sweeping gently over her lower lip. All it took was a hum of encouragement from her for him to dive into a more familiar routine of messy kissing that seemed to melt away the weight in her chest Sigyn hadn’t even known she was holding.  

“Godsdamn, Silvertongue…” Her eyes fluttered open as they finally parted, her breathing labored. 

Loki attempted a smile, “I thought of offering a more intimate display of that particular talent, but I then considered that may be pushing things tonight.”

She gave him a playful disapproving look though she couldn’t deny the relief she felt when his grin filled with his old tricks. “Ass,” she muttered, before her tone turned more solemn, “It’s going to take more than a kiss and a polite offer of oral for us to be okay.” 

“I know,” Loki replied, kissing her knuckles, “Is it a good start, I hope?” 

“It’s definitely not a bad one.” Sigyn licked her lips as she picked up a pan with her free hand, now suddenly starving, “Though maybe some eggs over easy instead of over ash would be an improvement.” 

Loki groaned, unable to keep the smile off his face, squeezing her hand before letting it go, “Promise after you show me you’ll return to bed?”  

“Only if you haven’t burnt down my bedroom first,” she teased, and with the brightest smile Sigyn had worn in a long while, she began her instruction. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again so so much! If you'd like, leave me a note in the comments letting me know what you thought of the ending and what you'd like to see more of these two in the future!


End file.
